To those we've lost, and saved

It's your call

AUTHOR NOTE:

Okay so sorry bout the wait, I've had four assessments, math tests , etc.

CLARKE POV:

" We have some explaining to do don't we? " you ask slowly. Dreading the conversation that is to come. How are you possibly going to explain this to them when you're not even sure what ' this ' is? What if you say something so terribly stupid that it scares Lexa away? What if you say the total opposite to what she wants? What if she closes herself off again? Does she know what she wants to tell them? Does she have an idea what this is? What are they going to think? Is Indra going to kill you while you sleep? She so is going to murder you, your surprised she hasn't ripped you out of the tent already.. Float me.

Slowly Lexa nods her head, Her eyes offering a reassuring glint of hope, her gaze never leaving yours. Oh my god Griffin how have you already started falling for her again? After one day, she has already managed to unravel you again. But she makes you feel safe, hopeful, like despite the fact you live in this completely upside down version of the world you were born in there is still hope that someday you could live normally, happily, without responsibility and guilt weighing down everything you do. Looking into her eyes you can tell she is just as nervous as you are, maybe even more, After all she has been known to be a lot more closed off than you when it comes to emotions. What if she doesn't want to tell them? Tell them what exactly? That you two are a ' thing?' come on Griffin that's a bit far, is it? You've kissed twice. You told her you weren't ready the first time and then you didn't talk for three months..

Until you found out she risked her life to make sure you were safe..

And then found out she was tortured because she wanted to make sure you were safe..

You clench your eyes shut trying to think for just a minute, Confusion sweeping over your entire being.

" Could we have a minute? " You ask quickly. Turning your head to look back at the older members in the room. They both simply nod their heads, avoiding looking in your eyes and swiftly exit the tent leaving it in total silence, probably glad to take a break from the awkward tension that fills the space.

It's a few minutes of sitting in utter awkward silence before either of you work up the courage to say anything, neither of you daring to move. Your still laying right next to, partially on the brunette when she finally breaks the silence, so softly you almost miss what she say.

" It's your call Clarke " She says softly, uncertainty lacing her words.

" What do you mean? " you ask, although you already have a pretty good idea what she's talking about?

" I know how I feel but I, I, understand if you need time to think about things " She says, and you finally understand why she has been so quiet. She thinks that your still unsure, she thinks that the kiss was just a spur of the moment thing.

" Lexa " You say surely. " When I first found you in my camp, and you fell to the floor I was terrified. Terrified that you weren't just unconscious, for a second when you wouldn't respond I thought that you had.. " You trail off, the way she watches you so entranced by your words distracts you, and the memories of that day start to bring tears to your eyes.. What if she had of died? What would you have done? What would have been left? " I thought you were dead " You whisper, your voice cracking. Taking a deep breathe you look back up to her eyes, taking refuge in her presence. You want to just melt into her arms right now but you need to get this out, she needs to know.

" Lexa, I thought you were dead and I didn't know what to do, I had so much I needed to say to you, so much I needed to ask and for a moment there I thought that I had missed my chance. You were just lying there and you looked so small and weak and I just couldn't bring myself to think about what they must have don't to bring you to that point. I thought that you weren't gonna wake up again and I thought it was my faul-".

" Clarke " The brunette whispers, reaching out to your arm. You know she is trying to tell you that it's okay, that you don't have to go any further, but you need to, you want her to know " This is exactly why i didn't tell you what they did because I knew you were going to do this and blame yours-".

" No, Lexa I need you to hear this " You breath, closing your eyes, trying to collect yourself and figure out what you want to say next. Maybe it will be easier to say this if you can't see her?

" When I took you back to my room and you were laying there you looked so young and I realised something. And i told you that something although i knew you wouldn't be able to hear me but i just needed to say it out loud, because a part of me thought you might not make it and i might never get the chance so i-"

Slowly you feel Lexa's hand move to your waist and another hand come behind your neck as she leans in and cuts you off, just as you did to her hours earlier. You breath sharply as you realise what she's doing. Sneaky. Her scent surrounds you, although it's your jumper it already smells of her and you love it. Slowly all your worries about this conversation fade away along with the sounds from outside the tent. You melt into her touch and bring your arms around her neck to keep her there, you aren't ready to let her go, not yet.

When you finally do part, it is only because otherwise you both would have passed out, but you take the opportunity to tell her what you have been trying to since you starting rambling. Keeping your eyes on hers you whisper,

" I'm ready now ".