Circles

12

Phil was staring holes through Dan's door.
He could so easily turn towards his own, and take the step that separated their rooms, and just vanish into his own cave.

But Phil was strong. Phil was brave. Phil was a lion.

He let out the breath he'd been holding.

He put his shaky hand on the doorknob, and twisted it. He took a step inside the warm room, and stood there looking at Dan's back.

Dan was merely a checkered lump in the gloom of his fairy lights. Who knew they could be so dim? He was wide awake and lost in his thoughts. He tries to pretend he is sleeping, but he feels Phil staring.

Phil doesn't move as he wills Dan to look at him. He makes no sound. Eventually, Dan gets curious as to what he wants, and turns around.

Suddenly, they are facing each other for the first time in now 38 days. Really, actually facing each other. Dan's eyes bore into Phil's, and they see everything they have missed so much.

Phils eyes show the most color Dan has seen in weeks. The beautiful blue is so captivating Dan can't look away. The same crystal pools he fell for months ago, just sadder.

Silence had never been so loud. Phil is screaming at Dan. Dan is screaming at Phil, but there are no words. (Dan narrates in his mind)

Phil takes a deep breath, and does exactly what he came in here to do. Get through to his best friend. If talking to him wasn't going to work, then showing what he felt would. He was going to help Dan the only way he knew how anymore.

Phil crawls into the dark bed with Dan, not saying anything.

He faces him.

Dan's heart skips a beat.

He is so close to Dan's lips. He could kiss him right here, right now.
But he doesn't.

"The number of people on this planet was less than the number of times he didn't kiss Dan, and could've."

Rekindling old feelings wasn't his goal.
Yes, he had pictured this moment so many times it was miracle it was happening. But it wasn't like this. He never pictured this.

Phil stares at Dan, and Dan stares at Phil until there are tears in Dan's eyes.

Phil then holds out his arms for Dan.
Dan is hesitant,
But God does he need this.
He crawls into Phils embrace, tears running down his cheeks.
Phil holds him while he cries and cries.

Dan can hear Phils heartbeat he's so close, and cuddled into his chest. He had never been so appreciative of a persons existence before.

Phil just traces circles around Dan's back.
Hoping to soothe him.

He doesn't care anymore about what got Dan this way. As long as Dan is okay, he is okay. He cares about Dan. And that's all that matters. It's all that ever mattered.

If Dan didn't want to talk, Phil wasn't going to talk. He'll just hold him until he's better. He didn't mind if that took eternity.

"I'm so sorry, Phil."

Dan's voice sounded cracked and scratchy, and Phil's heart broke at the sound. Tears start to fall from his own eyes. And into his curly, undone hair. He sniffles, and swallows down more tears. He feels in this moment, there is only one thing to say.

One thing he hasn't said to Dan in a long time. One thing that's long past overdue. One thing that to some may mean nothing, but to Dan meant everything.

The one thing that Phil can say to fix Dan again.

"I love you, Dan."
-
Feelings are like flowers, the way they feed and grow.
But flowers always die and with feelings you never know.

Flowers bring us vibrant colors when they sprout and bloom
Feelings bring you color when they haven't become your doom

Flowers are a sign of virtue.
Feelings will surely hurt you.
Flowers don't get love songs or books.
Flowers are based off scent and looks.

Flowers don't grow in seasons winter and fall.
Maybe feelings aren't like flowers after all.