Circles

21

Dan just didn't care anymore.

He didn't know how things went from normal to quiet in a matter of days.

Everything was fine...right?

It was never like this in the beginning. They clicked in a way they couldn't explain. Dan hadn't had a relationship mean so much to him, and he was constantly missing Phil when he wasnt there, and getting unnecessarily jealous.

He just loved, Phil.

Maybe not as much as he had realized back then, but when he looked at Phil now he felt like he was flying.

They had these...silent moments. Where no one talked. And not because they liked the peace or were busy, but because they were scared to. Best friends afraid to talk to each other.

Those silent moments were a thick nose around their neck that left marks they couldn't cover up.
They suffocated them, and made them remember the pain.

In their videos they remained normal enough, but they were not the same off camera.

They were distant again. And Dan just didn't care anymore. About secrets.

***

Dan hestitated outside Phil's door. Just go in. But what if he leaves you after this, Dan? Could you live without Phil? No. Just fucking go, you twat Phil wouldn't ever leave you. Maybe he'll move in with Molly. Hahaa brain nice fucking joke now time to go do it. Hehe that sounded wrong. Oml I hate myself just go in. That was wrong to, ehehe. Why do I do this to myself I just-

Dan's cut off his own thoughts by opening the door. No more fucking goofing around. As soon as he faced Phil he felt like walking straight back out. This was a bad idea.

Phil looked up at Dan, and suddenly he felt like he did when Phil walked in that day to help Dan out of his sadness. He remembers how warm and sweet he was. Looking into Phil's eyes he sees the same things he saw that day. Everything he needs.

He goes over to Phil completely confident looking, but feeling like he was about to die. He has only one plan on his mind, and it isn't to cry into his arms or apologize. It was to confess.

Everything.
-

The words will stab and twist my tongue.
The words will bubble and flood my lungs.

The words are empty and never enough.
The words are heavy and doomed to love.

The words are taboo; forbidden to be spoken.
The words are mine, which is why they are broken.