Circles

18

Phil didn't want to fall in love again.

Dan made that hard.

***

Dan wished Phil would fall in love with him.

Phil made that seem impossible.

***

Phil sat in his room staring at his ceiling.
He was killing himself slowly with his own thoughts, but he needed the pain of free thinking. What if Dan wants to be with you? There is always that possibility. He stares at you almost as much as his own computer. Why does it matter? You don't love Dan anymore, Phil.

***

Dan was editing a video when he heard Phil get up from his bed in the other room. He heard every footstep Phil took until he was in Dan's doorframe looking slightly nervous.

Dan raised an eyebrow at him. "What do you need, Phil?" He said barely glancing up at him. He tried to pretend he didn't care sometimes, so Phil wouldn't catch on to how much he did.

"Uh..." Phil stuttered a bit. "I-I just came to tell you that...uh...you deserve to know that it was y-you."

Dan looked at Phil confusedly. "What was me?"

Phil took a deep breath gaining confidence as he looked at his best friend. What could be the harm in just telling him?

"It was you, Dan. You were my crush for a little while, and I shouldn't have been so afraid to tell you that because...well I don't like you like that anymore. I was just scared you would hate me or think I was weird. But the past is in the past so...yeah." Phil said with a crooked smile.

Dan didn't know how to react. Should he be happy, or sad? He didn't know. He didn't want to make things awkward, but that was kind of who he was.

"Oh. Uh...okay." Dan said. Pretend not to care. He looked down at his laptop and tried to hold back from the wave of emotions that were about to overcome him. His thoughts were racing.

Phil tried not to look dissapointed. So Dan just wasn't going to tell him who he liked even after Phil told him? He didn't want it to, but it bothered him. It seemed he put more trust in Dan than Dan put trust in him these days.

Phil backed out of the doorway uttering an "okay" back, and walked to the kitchen for some cereal. Dan just doesn't care about you, Phil.

Little did he know, Dan's mind was screaming as he paced in circles around his room.
-

Now that you know that I like you, I keep wanting to hope you like me to. Are you thinking about me right now? How the truth is out? How as soon as it was said, I walked away lost in emotion. I want for you to care about it as much as I do.

I feel like I have this weight off my chest, but I want to know that you are thinking about it as much as I am. It's big for me. To just tell you. It's out there and you know. I just want to talk to you about it. I just hope you're thinking at least, "All this time he's been crushing on me..."

This is more to me than just a secret.