Who I Was

❤just a kid❤

Sometimes I feel worthless knowing that I'm a kid. That's all I am nothing more nothing less. People around me make me feel like I can't make my own choices. My friends look down on me and make me feel small because they're older. Even my family there's nothing I can do that can impress them. I'm busting my back just trying to make them happy. It never works because I'm just a kid. My mom says I don't know how life works and that she controls my life while I'm still with her. But that's the problem I do understand how life works, and I don't want to be controlled. My mom and I always fight for the same reason because she thinks I don't understand what life is well she's never had depression so honestly how does she even know what life is. Hey but it's true what they say the more the person is depressed the more people want to get away from them, and everyone wants to stay away from me, but you know what that's ok I'd rather be alone than have to be yelled at every two seconds. Everything I do is judged because of my age and I hate it. When I help people my mom gets mad. Saying stuff like "your crying for a person that you don't even know and you really should mind your own business if you don't they'll kill you." And I usually tell her "how do you know the heart isn't good if you don't take the risk of knowing them, and mom honestly you don't understand how exactly can you sleep at night knowing 10,000 people every night die of suicide." And that's usually when we start yelling and of course she always wants to win. She needs to understand that I can't always listen to her or anyone. I mean I know it's crazy that I help strangers on the internet, but honestly I make sure I'm careful it's my age that tips them off. Well mostly my mom.

Now my friends that's another story. I've had a bad past I'm not gonna lie it was absolutely horrible. But some of my older friends control me, but in a different way. They try to make themselves the boss and push me out just because I'm younger I'm sorry but I can't let that stand. So what do is I stand up to them I tell them straight up how my life was you know what happened they took advantage and I had to fight them now that isn't a good thing. I ended up winning the fights that they never knew they could lose, but I didn't mean to hurt them they pushed it over themselves, and ever since they all gave me respect, but that's still a problem. One friend of mine always bosses me around calling me small sure she thinks it's a joke well with me it ain't. I hate the fact that people think I can't make my own choice just because of my age it just hurts so much I'm just going through a hard time and all my friends and family just add extra pressure on me for no reason all I wanna do is just put on my headphones and just listen to music without having to be yelled at, but I know in a million years that's not gonna happen. But hey I never said I was giving up I mean yeah their older they're adults honestly that doesn't scare me it just makes me stronger to fighting and I mean I'm sorry mom for always fighting with you but your wrong. Strangers are just friends we haven't met, and yeah I haven't seen them in person, but that doesn't mean I can't cry for them. When I cry for them that means I care. How can anyone be so heartless not to love these beautiful people.

All of y'all out there I want to give a message. To all the boys and girls reading this book. I just wanna tell y'all that nothing is impossible. Right now I'm doing this biggest risk of my life and that's helping all of y'all. All the little ones out there dream big. Never hold back on your dream go huge if you want to, but promise me something, promise me that you'll never let anyone take away the ability to let you dream please don't let that happen dreaming is the real reason we're living in the first place. So if anyone out there is going through something I'm very sure I can help. Until next chapter I'll see y'all later you beautiful dreamers. ~akaweirdgirl ❤