pondering

sunday 24th of july ;



hello time for a lil update.
fuck ive missed everyone.
and loads has happened while ive had no Internet which i dont as i write this. but i go home tomorrow and i can't wait to just watch skins without any interruptions and get emotional with some interweb frens.

so i might get wifi in the bar later and ill try to post this yay.

anywayyy how have you been? are you on your summer holidays now?

i genuinely can't wait to get back to see my cat ive missed her so much my little chubby baby.



also i want a change again.
like i just hate myself rn like i hate my name my face my clothes my hair???
i need a little change or something?

i wish i had a different name. i hate my name because whenever someone says my name while talking to me it sounds really patronising and it makes me feel like a child yano? my names elli its my full name i would have preferred ellie even but no my parents had to be different. well your daughter likes girls and ancient aliens now is that different enough for you? you could have atleast called me like olivia or cassie or something like that.
lets be real though i couldn't pull off a different name? im like chandler from friends. i asked my mam what name i look like and she was deadly serious and she said "franny".
yano which is great.
hey im franny and i love the taste of my vitamin supplements.
like how many adults do you know called elli ?? im looking for a job when i get back home whos gonna hire a girl who looks 12 sounds 12 and has a name belonging to a 12 year old.
and dont even get my started on my last name boii.

my frens called natalie and i like to call her nat or natty or natty ratty but mines just elli so boring like me tbh. symbolism for moi.

istg im not this boring in real life i do really bad dancing to lowkey sad songs and i talk to myself 24/7 and then make myself laugh and my witty comments are sometimes averagely good i mean who wouldnt want that??
and ill randomly test you on things and say things like ask me questions about how hitler came into power and about muslim quotes about crime and punishment. who dont want that in their life??!! i keep people on their toes and i send good links to conspiracy vids and like top 5 mysterious deaths and shit and then we can try work it out like detectives.
and i ask you things like what song is in my head right now and you'll be like um idk for good from wicked and ill be like ye !!! how u know? nd you be like i know you boo.
and i recommend good books and shows too. and i send nice messages to try to make you feel better because i just love people and im totally i door mat. and ill try to make u watch ancient aliens with me and you'll fall asleep like everyone else I've tried to make watch it. AND WE CAN TALK ABOUT GIRLS OR BOYS OR SHREK ESPECIALLY SHREK TWO BECAUSE ITS THE BEST ONE I LOVE THE DINNER SCENE AND THE MUSIC DAMN FUNKY TOWN IS GOOD. AND THE WHOLE MESSAGE OF THE MOVIE IS SO IMPORTANT LIKE YOU DONT HAVE TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARE FOR SOMEONE YOU LOVE BC THEY FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU FOR A REASON JFC IM CTYING.

idk man im so alone in life.