USWNT - High School

Chapter 28

Hope's POV

I woke up to the warmth of the sun shining through the window and onto my face. I felt both calm and well rested, something I hadn't felt in a very long time. I loved the feeling.

I slowly opened my eyes, and got startled by the sight next to me. The memories of the previous night came rushing through my head as I saw Kelley in my bed. Actually, she's lying right next to me, almost on top of me. She rested peacefully on my arm, taking my breath away with every slow rise of her sleeping chest.

I got mixed feelings from the previous night. After having all those emotions and the tension between us build for months, it was only time before it would explode. Being with Kelley was ten times better than I remembered, and I know that everything inside me wants to again. It's like she has this hold over me that makes it impossible for me to stay away.

We slept together and it was every bit amazing. Of course that's a good thing, but it's also terrifying. I acted like a stranger around her for weeks and she never told me. I mean, how could she, I get that it was impossible. But it still makes me feel terrible about it. I can't imagine if it were reversed.

My head was so clouded and confused about my feelings towards this girl, fear and insecurities about my own intentions. When it comes to my heart, I know for certain what it wants. There's no clouds or doubt in my heart that I love Kelley. I spoke those three fragile words last night, and it was like they had never made more sense. I had never said those words to another person, and actually meant it, before last night. Of course I did love Melody and my friends, but it was different. And I never told them, I kinda just excepts them to know that I do. Actions speaks louder than words. But I guess after seeing the effect they had last night, those three simple words, I think I'm going to try and use words more. I'll be better and hopefully that'll be good enough for Kelley. Cause she deserves the world.

"Good morning." Kelley spoke up, and I found myself startled at her sudden words. I had gotten lost in my thoughts, and imagined her to be sleeping peacefully still.

"Morning." I mumbled out, trying to shake the thoughts of her out for the time being. She looked happy, genuinely happy, but there was also so much more in her eyes.

Words failed to come forward for the both of us, and Kelley simply reached for her phone at the nightstand next to my bed. It was a comfortable silence in the room now, until her expression suddenly changed slightly.

"What's wrong?" I asked, letting my curiosity get the best of me. Kelley kept staring at her phone for a brief second, then looked up at me with a torn expression on her face now.

"Nothing. I- uh, I should make a call, I think I need to talk to someone." She mumbled out the words as she started making her way out of the bed. I was the one confused now, who was she in such a hurry to call? It felt an awful lot like she was running away from me, from what happened last night.

"Are you okay?" I asked again, hoping she would calm down and talk to me. She paused her movement, and let one hand brush through her hair with a deep sigh.

"Okay, you deserve to know." Kelley sat back down again, and her words now scared me. I immediately wondered if I actually should've just let her take off. I deserved to know? I was completely lost in the situation, that had taken such a turn to the worse in my opinion.

"When you-" she paused after just those few words, and I saw in her eyes that she was still deep down hurt for what I did to her. She didn't have to finish the sentence, she was referring to me leaving her. Her eyes was screaming at me for what I did, before they looked away again. I wasn't sure what I was about to hear, I didn't know what I could expect from this. I guess I forgot for a second there that her life kept going even though I kinda put my own on hold.

"When you left, I was heartbroken. I can't deny that." She continued now, and she felt the words as she spoke them. My heart was the one breaking now just from looking at the way I hurt her. "But I also never thought you'd come back. I figured this is it. This is your way of finally trying to make me understand that there's just no way we're gonna happen. You just don't want me like that." Kelley looked down, now meeting my eyes as she spoke. I had no idea that's what she made out from it, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I don't even know myself what I thought I'd get from leaving, but I hated that she even just for a second thought that I didn't want her. It doesn't make sense really, but it somehow just had to be done regardless of my feelings.

"So I did whatever I could to get over you. Once and for all." She paused, now suddenly looking guilty almost. She looked up at me and my heart jumped in my chest. She was terrified of telling me something, but at the same time it was like she didn't want to be.

She was about to speak again, when her phone suddenly buzzed. My eyes automatically fell to the screen, and the one calling confused me. Kelley quickly turned it around, almost too quickly for it not to mean something. When I looked back at her, it all made sense just then. Morgan, the girl I had seen her with before I left, she hadn't stopped seeing her. She had done whatever she could to get over me, and that apparently meant getting under someone else.

I knew I had no right to be mad, I was the one that walked away. But I also spent every waking second thinking about her, wanting her, wishing I was with her right now. As naive as that sounds now, I honestly thought she did too.

"Hope." Kelley spoke my name, but I closed my eyes in response. I just needed a moment to process, to think. My thoughts were all over the place, imagining worst case scenarios.

"Do you have feelings for her?" The words fell out of me, and Kelley seemed taken aback as well. I guess she wasn't sure if I had put two and two together yet, but this confirmed that I had. Also that I wasn't thrilled about it.

"Hope, it's not like that, I'm not in love with her the way I'm in love with you. It's not-" she started explaining, but all I could hear was the fact that she didn't answer my question.

"So you do? You have feelings for her? She's not just a rebound that didn't mean anything?" I kept digging, finding myself getting slightly upset now. I hated how I was so weak when it came to Kelley, how she could make me lose my confidence within seconds.

"I don't- I mean, she was there for me when you weren't, Hope. When you left me, she kept me sane. I don't know what you want me to say." Kelley raised her voice now, sounding both frustrated and torn. Her words left me speechless, and I felt empty inside. The night prior to this had been so amazing, and now suddenly out of nowhere we were shouting at each other for whatever reason.

"I want you to say it didn't mean anything." I let the words fall out, terrified of the response. I knew deep down she couldn't tell me what I wanted to hear, and she knew it too.

"I can't say that." She ended quiet, and the conversation died out. I didn't know what to say now, knowing nothing could make the tear in my heart whole again.

"I should- I need to call her, she deserves an explanation. We can talk after?" Kelley picked up the phone again, more stating her words than asking me. I simply nodded, knowing I had no other choice.