USWNT - High School

Chapter 44

Kelley's POV

Driving home after spending the evening with Hope was not easy. I didn't want to leave her. I tried convincing her to spend the night with me, but we both knew she had things to deal with at home.

As I was driving around trying to make my way home, close to 10pm, my phone stopped playing music over the speaks and a name that immediately gave me too many emotions at once appeared on my screen. I felt both stress and guilt build rapidly inside, and I hate that that's how it is now. It's starting to get crystal clear that I cannot keep doing whatever it is I'm doing right now. I'm hurting two people I truly care about, and I'm even hurting myself in the process. There's both these girls that are so incredible in their own way, and with every single thing that happens it just becomes clearer that I one hundred percent do not deserve any one of them.

"Moe, hi." I answered the phone, trying my best to sound causal. I had been an emotional rollercoaster all night, so it wasn't the easiest to act like nothing was going on. Then again, maybe I shouldn't have to.

'Kelley.' She spoke up, just letting my name slip from her lips. She sounded almost relieved to hear my voice, as if she wasn't expecting me to pick up and answer.
'I thought- Are you okay?' She continued, sounding slightly more confused now. I was about to ask if she was okay, when I realized why she was like this. I had totally blown her off for Hope, again.

"Moe, I'm sorry! I- I got caught up with something and I completely forgot to call." I cussed internally at how stupid I was, and I hated this situation more by the second.
'Oh, okay. I'm just glad you're okay.' Moe said, as the sweet person that she is. My heart ached from knowing that what I did tonight would hurt her.

"I'm okay. Thank you." I didn't know what to say. My conscious was killing me already, and I knew there was no way out of this without hurting anyone else.

'We're you- what were you,' Moe mumbled out some words, but let her voice fade out. She clearly wanted to know what I was doing, why I forgot about her, what was more important. I took a deep breath, and prepared myself for a severe heartbreak. It was inevitable.

"I was with Hope." I spoke the words careful, but steady. I didn't stutter, so I made sure she heard me clearly. I hated that I felt guilty for spending time with one or the other, it's not right. It's not supposed to be like that.
"She's going through some things right now, so I needed to be there for her." I continued, when she didn't say anything. She had gone dead silent on the other end, and I suddenly feared she would hang up on me. I wouldn't blame her, but I also didn't want to end it like this.

'She always is.' Moe suddenly mumbled something inaudible, but I knew it wasn't good. I had no chance in guessing what she said.
"What?" I tried, hoping she would say it again.

'Never mind. I'll see you around, Kelley.' She spoke up again, only this time her voice sounded exhausted. She sounded tired and done. Seconds later the phone went dead. She hung up on me.

I felt my insides twist in agony. I felt so bad I thought my heart might explode at this point. I couldn't let her go to sleep like this, I cannot go to sleep like this. It's not fair to anyone. I took an u-shaped turn in the middle of the road, luckily there wasn't any cars around. I was going straight to Moe's now, only praying she would open up the door to see me.

I made it to her house a couple minutes later, and took a few moments to myself before I got out of the car. I knew she was home alone, so I didn't hesitate to knock on the door once I was there. I heard someone walk inside, and it was obvious she was stalling time. At this point I was just hoping she would open.

"What are you doing here?" She opened the door, and looked just as drained as she sounded. Not the warmest welcome, but at least she was talking to me.

"I didn't wanna go to sleep on that note, can we talk?" I got straight to the point, knowing she can still just smash the door in my face at any given point if I give her reason to. She looked at me and sighed, before stepping out through the door and slightly pushing me back.

"Fine, but you're not coming inside." She said as she closed the door behind her. It seemed a little harsh, but it was understandable.

"I'm sorry I didn't call, that was a douchebag move." I started, not wasting any time. Moe crossed her arms over her chest, raising an eyebrow at my words.
"I don't care that you didn't call, Kelley." She started, looking intensely at me. "It's the fact that you blew me off for Hope." She tried to sound tough and collected, but I could easily see through her facade. She was upset and hurt more than anything, and I hated seeing it.

"I get that, and I'm sorry." I looked down, feeling more terrible than I think I ever had. I strongly despite myself for everything I do, which makes this way harder than it should be.

"Stop apologizing, Kelley. The meaning of it is starting to fade honestly." Moe was harsh now, but I deserved it. I suddenly felt so small, like she was towering over me somehow.
"I will, I'm so- okay." I mumbled some words out, almost getting caught off guard by myself at how weak I suddenly became. I didn't know how to speak a sentence, how to react.

"Hope's going through some things, and she needs me. It's not ideal, but I can't not be there for her with this. I don't know what to say." I found some words, and even though they weren't the best, they got the main point out. Moe seemed to hold something back now, like she wanted to scream in my face but couldn't find the courage to do so. She took a breath before she spoke up again, way louder than I had expected.

"I get it, okay? She got that dark, damaged soul that you just need to save. There's the almost dying incident, and then the memory loss and now this, whatever this is. I can't compete with near death experiences and deceased loved ones, Kelley. I can't do that. I have a perfectly normal family, boringly so it appears. I don't need saving, I was fine before you got in the picture and I'll be fine after you're gone too." Moe stopped, and inhaled deeply. I was in shock to hear her words, and she seemed to have surprised herself as well.

I felt empty inside. She tried so hard to be what I needed, when all along I just wanted her for who she was. I didn't want the complications and raw passion I had with Hope, at least I didn't think I did. I wanted easy, and good.

"You deserve so much better than me. You're an amazing person, and I know you're going to make someone very happy." The words fell out of me. I didn't even know it myself, but somewhere deep inside I had made my choice. There was never really any choice to begin with. As much as I might've wanted it to be Moe at one point, it never was and it never will be. I think the main reason might be that I know she'll be okay without me, she said so herself. I don't know if I believe in soul mates, but Hope and I are somehow meant to be connected. Hope won't be okay without me, we've seen what us apart can do to the both of us. I don't care what you wanna call it. Morgan and I could've had a nice life together, but I can't do nice when I got fire.

"Just not you." Moe whispered the words out, as a tear fell down her cheek. I struggled to keep mine back as well, cause even though it felt right to do this, it doesn't mean it didn't hurt. Cause this hurt like hell. If felt as if I was losing someone who had quickly become one of my best friends, I hated that I had to let her go, but it was the only right thing to do.

"Just not me." I whispered back, as I closed the gap between us to wipe the tear away from her cheek. I brushed my thumb carefully over her warm cheek, before I pulled her into me for a hug. I never wanted her to get hurt in all this, and right now I wished she never got mixed up in my mess. People say she never had a chance, but that's not true. She got me to question whatever the force is between Hope and I, and that's not just for anyone to do.

**

A/N: You're all O'Moe af now, what is this??

You can't say this doesn't feel right.