USWNT - High School

Chapter 43

Kelley's POV

'Please come fast.' Hope ended the call, and I had to steady myself with one hand on the counter from the shock following her words. Her voice had been weak and it was obvious she hadn't called me because she was bored. Even though I was both shocked and slightly confused, I couldn't help but feel the corners of my lips press upwards. There was absolutely nothing to smile about, Hope was not in a good place, but she had called me. After everything, she still called me.

I got in the car as fast as I could, only grabbing a soccer ball on the way out just in case Hope needed to let some steam out. I know she usually escapes to that place, and takes some shots to calm down. Soccer is therapy for all of us, that's something we got in common.

Hope was already there when I stopped my car, and she turned around to face me as I stepped out. I grabbed the ball on my way out, bouncing it down on my right foot.

I looked up to meet Hope's eyes, and as I got closer it was easy to tell she was far from okay. Her eyes were red and puffy, and exhaustion haunted her beautiful features. I still couldn't stop myself from thinking how good she looked though, so very perfectly imperfect. If there's one thing that has never been a problem for us, it's been the physical attraction. We're physically draw to each other in a way I can't explain, and definitely unlike any other.

"Thank you for coming." Hope spoke up, with a weak and rusty voice. It was like something kept tugging on my heart, that's how it felt to see Hope broken like this.

Before I replied, I opens my arms and pulled her into me. I wrapped my arms around her torso, and buried my face in the crock of her neck. It didn't take long for Hope to hug me back, and the secure feeling of her strong arms around me was soon present. I took in her sent, her breathing, everything I could for the time being. I couldn't deny how good it felt.

"Of course." I mumbled out, hoping she knew I meant it. I would always be here for her, she could always call me. She exhaled a deep breath into my hair, before pulling away slowly. I tried not letting her absence bother me too much, but it somehow felt empty without her.

"Are you okay?" I had to ask, no matter how stupid of a question it might be. I knew she wasn't, but she needed to know I cared. Hope let out a short breath, sounding much like laughing. She seemed to be shaking her head in disbelief, like whatever she was going through felt too surreal to comprehend.

"I accused my mother of murder tonight, so there's that." Hope closed her eyes, like she didn't want to be reminded of the memory. I hated seeing her like this, she didn't deserve all the bad that was thrown at her.

"I'm sorry." I didn't know what to say. There's nothing you can say to someone when their lives are that messed up, nothing you say will help. I need to stop trying so hard to say and do the right thing, and just be there for Hope. Let her know she can talk to me, and not talk if she wants to. I can be a distraction from all the crap that she's going through. Except of course, it's hard to do that when I myself likely is the source of some of that crap.

"You don't have to be, it's not your fault." Hope looked at me, forcing a smile of comfort. That's what she does, when everything is hard for her, she takes the time to make sure everyone else is okay first. "Maybe not this, but I'm still sorry. I'm sorry about everything else." I needed her to know I was truly sorry, because at this point I wasn't sure she did know.

"You sorry for choosing Morgan?" Hope spitted out the words, almost as if she had slipped and didn't actually want to say them out loud. She closed her eyes, and it was like I could see her mind running on full speed. I hadn't been too shocked at her words. They hurt, it really did. But I know I deserve it. I hated that she felt as if I chose Moe over her, it wasn't anything I did intentionally and that's what scares me. I can't pinpoint exactly what makes me tip one way or the other, it just happens. I guess I need to stop just going with the flow, and actually make a choice. It's not fair to anyone what I'm doing.

"I'm sorry for putting you through this. Adding extra weight on you when you got far too much to begin with. I never wanted it to become like this." I opened my heart out this time, forcing myself to be as honest as possible.
"Like what?" Hope asked, clearly trying her best to see the situation from my point of view now. I'm glad she did.

"Like we can't be around each other without tensing up and feeling guilty. I never wanted it to be so messed up, so hard." I felt myself getting emotional at this point, but I was still able to stay somewhat calm and collected.
"It's not messed up and hard with Moe?" Hope turned my sentences around, using my words against me to make a clear point. I couldn't blame her for doing so. I've been trying to treat Hope and Moe like two different situations, when they're actually completely tangled up within each other. One harms the other, it's always going to be that way until I stop it.

"Not as hard." I was honest, and it was obvious Hope hadn't expected me to be. She looked rather uncomfortable now, nervously switching her weight from one foot over to the other.
"But it's not necessarily any better." I added, not quite sure where I was heading now. I want to be sure in my words, I want to tell Hope everything she wants to hear, but I just don't know if I can do that and be absolutely sincere.

"How is this hard?" Hope spoke up again now, suddenly having a fire lit in her eyes. She moved closer to me, taking my hand in hers and guiding it up to rest on her chest. "You feel that? That's my heart, beating for you." She stared at me, and it was like her fire caught on to me. I forgot how to breath properly, let alone make a sentence. Hope never spoke like this, so blunt and honest. She always shut down and spaced out, terrified of confrontation of any sort. Her she was pouring her heart out to me. I became powerless in Hope's presence, and I realized in that moment I was likely willing to let her do whatever she wanted to.

"My mind can be a dark place, I know that. I'm very good at making terrible decisions when I listen to my head, but I wanna start listening to my heart. I know what my heart wants, you can feel who my heart wants." Hope continued, and her words had me shocked beyond words to describe. She now placed both her hands over mine, who was still resting on her beating chest. She held me so close to her, that it almost felt as if we had become one.
"If my words ain't enough, just feel it, Kelley. Feel that it's beating for you, and you alone." She added, glowing of a new found confident that I had never seen in her before. She wasn't afraid to put her feelings out there, completely out in the open. She wanted to make sure there was no doubt in my mind on where she stands, and that's exactly what I've always wanted from her.

That's what I wanted from the very first moment that I knew Hope Solo was someone I wasn't going to be able to live without.