A Life to Live

Where to start

Heyo, okay I'd just like to say that I'm doing this because not that I'm copying someone but I just want to let my feelings out. No offence, but sometimes when I tell someone they just think I'm just thinking it or that I'm being dramatic. So, this is actually something to take my frustration out.

*Warning* Okay, I may include swearing and I might write some chapters in Filipino/Tagalog. Cos I can and it doesn't seem write if I skip out some parts I tell you.

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I don't know how to tell my friends this but I actually feel like I'll be left behind soon and be forgotten. With everything that's been happening, I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

I'm feeling:
Abandoned
Alone
Left behind
Depressed

I know that wanting to commit suicide is bad but is it worth it to live when like nobody is there. Like, you choose to be happy for them but then suddenly, all that will to live is gone. I'm not sure about you guys but that's how I feel right now.

I used to be this happy person for no damn reason, kinda, and now I just stay quiet. If you guys know me at school, you'll notice that I stay quiet in class but that's different. I stay quiet because I don't want to be chosen to get called at. Last year, I was really energetic in maths class and wouldn't care if I got called out even. But now, I don't know anymore.

It's hard to not know who and what exactly you are to other people around you. I'm not the type of person that can just let go of a bad situation. I'm the type that would think of what happened and why it happened. I'm always thinking even though I just look like I'm doing work.

A few days ago, I started thinking of cutting myself because of how bad everything is going at school. I've been much quieter and don't laugh at many of the jokes anymore. And, I just feel like I'm one of those dolls that can just be put aside when no one wants you. I let people walk over me and tell me what to do, basically.

Then I just had this question pop into my head. 'Is it better to be forgotten and die or live and be used over and over?' I'm not sure how the second one goes but I prefer to be forgotten and pull myself away. If I told anyone that I want to commit suicide, they'll just think it's either a joke or give me a lecture then fogey about it.

Alright, so I'm just gonna end it here and start from the very beginning in the next chapters.

Au Revior!! Good Bye!!!

30/07/16