A Life to Live

The Excursion

Okay, so all of my friends have been waiting for this day. It's the ever first excursion for us high schoolers apart from the art people. We also had to pay for the paintball thing my friends and I are going to. It was really good because that meant I get to go out of the house for some time.

I was really excited in the morning until the moment I stepped into school, all the sadness and depression I've been hanging onto just came down on me.

First of all, never have I felt so guilty rejecting a person that confessed to me. I know that I've done it before, earlier in the year. But this one is somehow eating me up. It may have seem that I don't care about the past anymore. It true, it's just that my mind is open but my heart isn't ready to open again.

So, being told that not worry bout it makes me even feel worse. I just pushed all my feelings away before I kinda had a break down this morning. The rejection to the other person takes a bigger damage to them but when that person is quite close to you, it's a big deal for me as well.

I was avoiding my friends at school ever since this morning because I don't want to face them yet. I paid for the paintball event and hung around the boys today. Then, I pulled my friend away for a moment to talk to her but it just seems so wrong.

When I had hope that I get to get away from someone but it call crashing down. They paid, and was actually coming to the event on Saturday. I just distanced myself from most people and minded my own business but it's hard when you're nice to almost everyone.

Acting to be this nice person tires you out to be honest(😂😂😭). I just let myself go and didn't care what anybody thought today.

I hanged out with two boys from my class and a girl for most of the time. Feeling damaged and turned down, I didn't had the feeling of adventure.

The two boys, I was with were really cool. We talked about how our almost to be relationships broke something inside us. I kept talking about how I've been compliant with him and that theirs is like nothing at all. The first was, I takes hours and hours with him but my friend's one is that they hardly talked properly. Now, it's the opposite.

Managing to somehow break down in the zoo, I was talking about how he took advantage of me. They can all see that, he's acting like a playboy. We had these heart-to-heart talks and gave advice to each other.

During 'recess', we went to a gazebo but I hardly talked at all. Then, when we went to the first walk about, I stuck with the boys. We shared stories and laughs about our lives.

At some point after or during the first walk, a group of boys started to subtly follow us. Considering that I was mostly with those boys, it pissed someone to jealousy?? Well, that's what my friends said.

During 'lunch' I still hanged out with the boys and left to the cafe for food. Once, I got us three ice creams and then the group of boys still followed.

I wanted to get away as much as I can from them because I'm pissed at them. Jealousy or not, they called my friends snakes because we've been hanging out ever since 'recess'. So, I got annoyed with them. Soon we were joined by some more year 10s. They were mostly Filipinos so, we were cool with them.

A Filo girl was next to us and said, 'look, their a love triangle'. Something like that but in Tagalog and naturally I shook my head. Saying we were only friends.

I sat down at a bench then came the group of boys so I naturally left. And, my friends followed to sit somewhere else because they were comforting me in a way.

I somehow avoided my girl friends because they were still consoling another friend of mine. I stayed away because it would be awkward and that I'm not ready to face them.

By the end of the day, technically I hung out with boys for almost the entire time.

This is it for now, cos this is already long.

Bye bye
September 21 2016