A Life to Live

School, Semester 1

So, school started and we all got settled in real nice. Friends still abroad and we got new students, most of them were Filipinos so I'm cool with it. I sat at the front and it wasn't that bad. All my classes were really fun and I had guitar for the term and we had four different activities. Bad thing was, we had to do acting for media.

It was all going great until my English/History teacher decided to move my seat because of the boys. I was moved next to the boy I had avoided most of the time. Worst thing about that, was that she made us to go get tables for the castles we made. I mean, really, I swear she can see something that we can't.

So, after that, we were not paired up at all and I was really relieved. I don't remember much about Term 1 but I remember it was an entire term filled of smiles and laughter. We would always sit in a big circle, where everyone in our group was there. I was mostly quiet in class because I never really wanted to answer.

But I would occasionally if not half the time. I would just sit there do my work and chat to the person next me. In the first term, it was really hot and it annoyed everyone how we had to squish in chapel every Friday. Towards the end, it was cooling down and my guy friend and I were wearing our sports jacket. We weren't meant to but we got warnings by our old English teacher.

We were just chatting and talking towards our car when she appeared from one class and told us off. It was scary and funny for some reason. For our end of term performance, I had to play Secret Love Song, which by the way, had nothing to do with its title.

Term 2 came and during the holidays, I never really talked to anyone online. Term 2 was a bit cooler but my blazer annoys me to hell. One of my friends and I stay back at Wednesdays with this bunch of year7s. We had ping pong club days, but it wasn't really official. It just started out as our hang out spot after school with a teacher.

So yeah, I would occasionally hang out with them at school or just hide from my friends and used them as a cover. The first part was really going great even I had whined to the guitar teacher to take me back. We had dance and it wasn't that bad. Then, my friend started to ignore me and another. We said sorry but mine was rejected...cos unfortunately I don't know how to be sincere online.

We made up again but I started to not sit with them at class because I actually felt like I'd rather sit at the back. I know that they think I look like I don't want to be with them but I do. It's just I'd not risk getting rejected or ignored again. I would distance myself away from people so I don't have to involve them with any of my problems.

I find myself pushing myself away again from everyone, like I keep a blank face most of the time. I've been told that I hardly show emotion and it got to me. I'm not an expressional person, but the keeps to themselves person. I would tell somebody great news and some bad news but I never really tell what really bothers me the most.

Then towards the end, it's like no one cares anymore. About the friendship we have/had, it's like it's been given up. The hope of fixing it back has disappeared into thin air.

The basketball tournament was popped up and my friends and I though it would be fun to join in. Considering that it's basketball, we thought why not. All ties were gone and we just have the same friends but not speaking to each other. My friends have been trying to but it does not work.

So, in need of a helper for basketball, I asked some Filipinos who are great at it. Turns out, they just spoke Tagalog all the time and didn't really help the others. They just helped me out. Searching for another coach/"trainer" I ended up asking the boy.

Turns out, he was more than happy, I think, to help us out. So, my friends made fun of me but it never really helped with my friendship thing. However, he did tell me that I had to set up a goal for myself. To do better at basketball.

So, as term 2 ended, there was nothing we were able to talk about but just tolerate each other's presence. I kept thinking and thinking of what to do but no matter what, it kept going downfall.

^^^^^^^^^

So this post was meant to be yesterday's but I didn't had the time to write. Stupid Geometry!!! I ended up doing geometry for an hour.

I will post as much as I can but I can't guarantee that I will do it everyday. So, I am doing all of this because I want you to understand how I felt over the time. Also what I kept thinking that day. Or time.

Not once, have I forgotten the things that have been said to me.

I will always remember the times we had...

Good luck with all of you lives!!!

August 3 2016