Show Me 2 - Remember Me (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter Twenty Three - Misery

So scared of breaking it,

That you won't let it bend.

And I wrote two hundred letters I will never send.

Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem,

You'd rather cover up, I'd rather let them bleed.

- "Misery", Maroon 5

....

ZAYN POV

Why am I such a fuck up.

As I lay in bed, knowing I should start getting dressed for school, I could only think of the shit that happened yesterday.

Ali and I had such a perfect day. I realized how much of a truly beautiful girl she is.

I recalled every detail about her - how the wind blew her hair every which way but it always fell back perfectly, how her blue eyes would widen playfully as we argue, the way her cheeks would flush with light pink color if she noticed me staring a little too long.

Fuck, man.

A soft knock sounded at my bedroom door, and my mom was there. Once again, she'd let herself into my house. When my mom kicked me out sometime last year, she'd been paying for this shit apartment for me to stay at. She would always tell me how much of a "bad influence" I was on my sisters.

"Hey, sunshine," she said softly. She was a thousand times more careful with me since she found out about my bipolar. She even offered for me to move back in.

"Hi."

Her eyes drifted around the messy bedroom. Her nose wrinkled, I figured she was going to make her usual comment about how I should really "tidy up". "Have you taken your medicine?"

I rubbed my hands over my face. "Eh. Not yet."

"You know you have to take it!" my mom said, handing me the container of pills that was on my bedside table. She already had a glass of water in her hand, always prepared.

I gazed at the little white pill, and at the giant impact it had on my life. It seemed so insignificant in my palm, but that pill allowed me freedom out of that damn facility, explained years of lonely heartache, and...well, let Ali give my pathetic, fucked up self another chance. This white pill.

It was also held in my left hand, so as usual, my gaze fell to my left arm. They were covered with my tattoos, now, but my finger traced over the cuts. Only the cuts that I could see.

I was so immersed in my damaged head, my mom leaned over. I realized she'd had tears in her eyes. "What are you thinking about?" she whispered, wrapping both of her hands around my cut arm.

"Nothing." My voice was thick.

"Zayn, darling, those days are over. I just...it's still hard to believe you were going through all of that. And I was such an oblivious mother. How could I be so awful to you when...when you were just hurting - "

"Don't start crying, Mom, Jesus." I leaned forward, wrapping one arm around her in an awkward hug.

"I love you so much," she sobbed. "I know it seemed like I don't sometimes but I love you just as much as your sisters."

"I was just a little shit, I understand."

"No, Zayn, you...you were sick."

My eyes went back down to that pill. I'm okay as long as I take this every day for the rest of my life. I'm normal...except for the fact I take this damn pill every day.