Chapter Fifteen - Wrecking Ball

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Don't you ever say I just walked away,

I will always want you.

I can't live a lie, running for my life,

I will always want you.

- "Wrecking Ball", Miley Cyrus

....

How could I?

As I lay in my bed, tears silently running down my face, holding the note against my chest, I thought how could I?

How could I deny I was still in love with Harry Styles?

Realization hit me like a wrecking ball as I thought of how I could try and move on. Why would I want to move on from the best thing in my existence, from Harry?

Harry Styles was life breathed into me. He had turned my bland, non-descript seventeen years into new. He made me new. He made me into the new version of myself, the version I was never brave enough to explore. The real me.

It was impossible to think that someone else could've possibly made me feel anything as close as that.

I looked at the note for the thousandth time, words I had memorized, in his slanty penmanship. Getting something like this basically turned on a switch in my body, flicking my light in my head back on. Back to what I knew I couldn't be without.

Harry.

He made me feel so alive.

It hurt me, because I knew that Josh Devine was truly a nice guy. It was the alcohol. The bottle is what changed him, into that raging monster I was all too familiar with.

I knew I needed to talk to Harry. I needed to see Harry. Because I loved him more than anything in this world, and I have all along, and nothing will change that.

But I had to talk to Josh first. I really did. Thinking of him being so shook up from last night's scary events that had nothing to do with Halloween, I picked up my cell phone to call him.

He answered on the fourth ring. "Babe?" he groaned.

I swallowed. "Hi."

"I was just about to call you! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I said that to you - I mean I do know, I was drunk off my ass - but I just - that's no excuse - "

"Josh - "

"I almost killed Liam - holy fuck, Ali, I almost killed Liam - I wrecked his car and got drunk again." I heard some movement and muffled noises. "Can you please come by?"

"To Liam's house?"

"Yeah. His parents are pissed as fuck at me, they've been yelling at me all day...and I have to tell you something."

"Okay. What?"

"I can't tell you over the phone." Pause. "I don't know how you're going to take this, but please come over."

XXX

When I reached Liam's house, of course, his car was still gone. It wasn't like his parents couldn't afford a better car, but it still floored me that Liam was the one that Josh and Niall hit last night.

I adjusted my hoodie and rang the doorbell. Liam's mother answered, and she looked like she was just about to leave too.

"Hi, Mrs. Payne," I said slowly. "How's he doing?"

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