Married and Trying to Keep it Together

Chapter One

I sat in my office trying to figure out these numbers for the month so I could turn them in. I never knew deigning and featuring your own line came with so many details. Usually I only worked on one part of the line but now I had full control and it was dragging me down. I felt like Cordell. I sighed sitting back from the stress.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Sapphire yelled running into my office. "Why are you yelling?"

"Because the twins are doing it again!"

"Doing what again Sapphire?"

"They are in my room messing with my things. I keep telling them to stay out but they won't listen!" I swear having a two four year olds and a nine year old was not a good combination. Ever since the twins got to the age they could talk, they have been nonstop. I knew twins were a handful but I didn't know it would be this bad. "Sapphire they are just being boys."

"Well they need to be boys somewhere else. I am trying to watch my shows and don't want to be bothered" She crossed her arms and stared at me. Which was another thing that changed. My little lady bug was not so sweet and innocent anymore. She had a mouth on her and loved to use it. I sighed and got up to go deal with them. She followed behind me until I got to her room. I found the twins on her bed eating some candy she had. "See what I mean?!" she said pointing. "What are you two doing in here?"

"Nothing," they both said at the same time. "Why are you in your sister room when you know she doesn't want you to be in here?" they just looked at each other and shrugged. "Then how about this, go to your room or somewhere else and don't come back into your sister's room unless she say you can."

"But we like it in here."

"Well your sister wants her privacy so you are going to have to leave until she says you can come back." They sighed and got off the bed sticking their tongue out at Sapphire before running out. "Why did you have to have boys?"

"Because that's the way life works and besides your father wanted boys."

"Well that's not fair. When is daddy coming home?"

"I don't know he might be working late again." Cordell had fallen into this pattern where he started working late due to his expansion. Sometimes I would complain but after a while I realized that didn't do anything to stop it. "Did you finish your homework?"

"Yea, but I need help with math."

"Okay when your dad gets home I will have him help you."

I was in the kitchen cooking dinner when Cordell walked in unbuttoning his jacket. I kept doing what I was doing since I really didn't have anything to say to him. It used to be when he walked in I would get goosebumps but now I don't know how to feel. Of course I wanted him here but it was so often he wasn't I just got used to him not being around.

"Is there something I can help you with or do you just like staring?"

"Can't I just admire my beautiful wife?"

"Not when you haven't admired me in almost two years." I stepped around him to get something from the cabinet. "Maybe I'm trying to change things around."

"I've heard that before." I tried to walk back to the stove when he grabbed me stopping me turning me around to face him.

"I know I have made a lot of unkempt promises but I came home early to show you how serious I am about repairing our marriage." I took my arm from his grip. "It's going to take more than coming home early to make things better."

"I know that." I went back to the stove. "You need to go help Sapphire with her math homework." He sighed leaving out of the kitchen. I looked up watching him leave out and it broke my heart. I wanted to believe we could get back to the couple we used to be but nothing seemed to indicate we could. He would always make these huge promise and get me excited to just to cancel last minute. I just wanted my husband back.

I stepped out of the shower and into our bedroom with a towel wrapped around me to find Cordell sitting on the bed like he was waiting for me. I ignored him and went to the drawer to find something to put on for bed. "I want to get Sapphire a math tutor."

"Okay." I found a one of his t-shirts and slipped it on. Then went to find some underwear. "So you're okay with that?"

"Yea, why wouldn't I be? She needs help with math, she's been struggling with it and she needs to learn how to understand it before she gets too far up." I found some underwear and slipped them on. When I went to go to bed but he blocked the way. "Move Cordell."

"No, we need to talk."

"Talk about what Cordell? I'm tired from working all day and just want to go to bed."

"I get that but I don't want us to be this way, not anymore." I sighed sitting on the bed. He followed suit kneeling down in front of me taking my hands in his.

"I know the last two years have been rough but I need you to be patient with me."

"I've been being patient for two years Cordell and at this point I'm tired. I'm tired of waking up to an empty bed, I'm tired of going to sleep with no one beside me."

"I know."

"Do you because it sure as hell doesn't seem that way. Tell me at what point do I get to be impatient?"

"What do you want me to do Lelaih?"

"For one, I would like you to remember things. In the last two years you have forgotten two anniversaries, three birthdays, and missed out on a ton of important shit that the kids have done. You said when I was pregnant with the twins that we would be in this together, you said that no matter what we would figure something out and all that has happened is me juggling between the kids and work while you work late."

"I didn't know you felt that way." He rubbed the back of his neck while looking down. I could tell I had laid a lot of stuff on him but I had held in a ton of things over the last two years. I didn't want to seem ungrateful for everything he has done for me but some things had gotten to me greatly. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to attack you like that."

It was quiet for a minute until he looked up and spoke, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yea what is it?" he looked at me as if he was deciding whether to ask me or not. "Do you still love me?"

"What?"

"Do you still love me? Do you even still want to be married to me now?"

"Are you seriously asking me that Cordell?"

"I know I haven't been the best husband lately and I wanted to know if you even still wanted to be married to me." He was still looking down at the floor like he was scared to look me in the eyes.

"Cordell after everything we have been through to get to this point, do you honestly think I would just give it up without a fight? The only point of me yelling at you about this is not because I don't love you anymore because I do, but to make you do better. I want my husband back. I want the man that promised me the world and more."

"I can do that."

"I'm serious Cordell, I don't want just words I want actions. Our kids miss you. The twins are becoming more and more of a handful each day and they need their father. Not to mention Sapphire is growing up so." He laughed.

"Yea I've noticed. She is talking more than she ever did when she was little."

"She's not little anymore, she's becoming a young lady and she is going to need her father more and more."

"What if I promise to be better, to be here more and more? What if I promise to get back to the man you married? I know I have said this al before but this time I mean it. This time I want to make things right again, I don't want our family to fall a part because of me."

"Fine I will give you one last chance but actions speak louder than words and if your actions don't start matching your words then you will soon lose everything you worked so hard to build. I want this to work too but I won't keep sitting around and waiting for you and things to change."