If I Can't Have You

Act 1 - Part 2

Nick

It's been three months, since Demi & I broke up & I am sitting outside the apartment, that I once called home. I'm looking, in her windows, with binoculars. Yes, you could say I've lost my mind. She'd get a restraining order, for sure, if she knew I was stalking her. She threatened to get one, after I showed up at her door, a few times. When she threatened to call the police & then threatened to get a protective order, I left & didn't do that again. She did end up changing her phone number because I wouldn't stop calling & texting her. Now, it's going on a month since I have had any contact with her at all. By contact, I mean, her & I being face to face, because I have been stalking her, without her knowledge, for the last four weeks. 

I'm not in my right mind. My head, definitely, isn't screwed on right, because I haven't been able to stop thinking about Demi. I can't eat or sleep. My friends have tried to get me to move on, but they haven't had any luck. I'm in love with her & so confused on what went wrong. She's never even been able to explain to me what went wrong, honestly. The day she ended it, she just kept saying she fell out of love with me, but couldn't say why or when that even happened. Nothing changed, from my point of view, so this was a mystery to me & I feel like I needed answers if I was going to move on from her. To be honest, I wasn't sure I'd be able to move on, even if I got answers. 

Right before we broke up, she started hanging out with people from work, more precisely a new guy named Wilmer. I had a feeling that Wilmer might be the guy she's been seeing, since we broke up. All I knew, about this new guy, is what he looked like & what kind of car he drove. 

While I was sitting in my car, taking a break from spying on her, I saw the new guy's car pull up & watched as he got out & headed into the building. I noticed, since, this time, he was closer to me, than he ever had been before, that he was older. Not just a little older, he was a lot older. When Demi was in high school, she had dated an older guy & right before she met me, she dated an older gentleman, so I knew she was attracted to older men. She always told me I had an old soul, so that's why she was with me. 

I often wondered, if her attraction to older guys was because of the estranged relationship she had with her father. He died about six months before we broke up & she hadn't spoken to him in years, so her emotions were all over the place, during that time. I was there for her, but I felt like something changed, inside her, when she lost her dad, before they could work things out. I can't even explain what changed, but I felt it. 

I looked up at the living room window of her apartment & saw Demi & Wilmer kissing, but not just kissing. They were making out. I was devastated, to say the least & I wanted to beat him to a bloody pulp. I took some deep breaths instead, looking at myself in the rearview mirror. I didn't see myself, though. What I saw were the eyes of a broken man, who just wanted to be with the love of his life.

I glanced away from my reflection to watch Demi & this guy through the window again. They were still kissing & I kept watching. Yes, I was a glutton for punishment. I had to look away, though, when they stood up & started taking each other's clothes off, as they made their way out of my sight. I knew where they were going. They were heading to bed so they could have sex. I laid my head back on the seat of my car & eventually, I ended up falling asleep for a few hours.