I want you & no one else.
I want you for myself.
I want you & nothing else will do.
No one acting confused, I've got nothing to lose.
I want you & If I can't have you....
THEN NO ONE WILL.
It's been well over a month, since I was at Nick's house, the night after I was attacked. As Nick got himself ready, for work, that next morning, I watched him, trying to look sexy, but he ignored my advances, just as he had all morning. I found out Jordyn had left for work, so I tried to flirt or get him to kiss me, again. I came on too strong, apparently, since he told me, several times, that I needed to move on & have a nice life. He also told me that we couldn't be friends if I couldn't respect his relationship with Jordyn.
Nick adjusted his shirt, as he looked at his reflection & he continued to ignore me. I sighed, finally, giving up & assured him I'd leave him alone & I'd stay out of his life. The way he looked at me, in the mirror, before I left, was weird. It was almost like relief & regret combined. I thought about that look, the entire time I drove home to face Wilmer.
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I broke up with Wilmer when I got home that morning & he didn't seem surprised, at all. He also didn't try to fight for us, but when he heard my explanation of how I got beat up, he was a little disgusted with me & he practically ran from my place, after his things were packed. There was no hesitation, when he left, but I wasn't expecting any. I had known for weeks that our relationship was not going to last much longer & I think Wilmer sensed it, too. We were both just putting off the inevitable.
The breakup with Wilmer was weird, because it was the exact opposite of my breakup with Nick. Nick begged me to stay with him, to the point where he was grabbing me & not wanting to let go. He cried. He pleaded. He carried on for hours. Wilmer didn't do any of that. Maybe that was a clue that Wilmer didn't love me the way Nick did. When I was with Nick, I always felt loved & never doubted that he loved me. With Wilmer, I heard the words, 'I love you' come out of his mouth, but that was it. He never showed me, he loved me, the way Nick always had.
Nick always made me feel like I was the only woman in the world & I never doubted his love for me. I was stupid to break up with him, but sometimes we do things without thinking or we do things on impulse for whatever reason. I knew the reason I let Nick go. I should have sought professional help, before I broke up with him or at the very least, I should have told Nick what I was dealing with. I didn't, though, because I was afraid of what he would do. I was afraid he'd break up with me, so I guess I was just saving myself the heartache & dumping him first. My heart didn't hurt as bad, since I convinced myself that Nick & I could no longer be together.
My mind kept thinking of ways to get Nick back, but all the ways had to have Jordyn out of the way. I didn't want to hurt her, I just wanted her to break up with Nick, so I could have another chance with him. I had this feeling that Nick & I weren't over just yet. I had this feeling that our love story was going to have a happy ending. Maybe I was delusional, but I wasn't going to admit that, to myself.
The first thing I needed to do, to try to break Nick & Jordyn up, was become friends with Nick again. If I was going to convince Nick that we could be friends again, I knew what I needed to do. I needed to have a new boyfriend. I didn't love the idea of using some innocent guy, but I was desperate.
