Fix You [Vic Fuentes]

Chapter 2

Song Of the Chapter: I Am Low On Gas and You Need a Jacket by Pierce The Veil

Chapter title: All these new faces

Vic's POV

__________________________

I sat at my desk as I stared at the warm sun light poured through the space between the meeting of the curtains in front of my window. The sun rays hurt my eyes, as I haven't been outside in a month, and to be honest I have no problem with that. Curious to what normal people were doing right now, I Looked down at the people outside, I saw how happy they were. I am on the third storey of this 7 storey hospital so I could just make out the faces of the people playing at the park across the road. They genuinely looked happy to be alive, while they kicked the ball around the deep green grass, sending it soaring above their heads as they watched it fly. I could practically hear the giggles of the children as they sped to go catch the ball with the rest of their families, I was jealous of them. So jealous that I felt it tearing through me, like a grey cloud invading a deep clear sky. My fists balled up, tears slipped down my face countless times and I tried to peal my eyes away, but I couldn't bring myself to it. More and more tears fell from the brims of my eyes, until I was full on crying, putting my arms on the desk and my head flopping on top before loud sobs came out of my mouth.

Why Can't I be normal?

Why can't I get away from this torture?

Why is everyone feeling happy, and I am not?

Why does everyone hate me?

Why can't I be someone else?

Why can't I just die?

Because I wish I could just give my life to someone who deserves it more than I do. Someone who wants to live, like a child with cancer or something like that. Someone who would appreciate life and cherish every second like it were their last not wishing every second was their last. I don't deserve life, I don't appreciate it like a normal person would, like I should. But how can you appreciate life, if all that happens to you is cruel and repulsive? Thats all that happened to me, and its scared me for life, and its something I can't runaway from -Although I wish I could-.

Call me a girl or whatever, but I have a journal. And in that journal I write all my deepest darkest thoughts. I know it sounds childish but I guess its the only thing people will have left of me after I die, to know how much of a fucked up life I had.
I write songs and poems and just my general thoughts. I flicked through the old crumpled pages running my fingers over the dried ink.
One page dated:

22nd of September 2011.

I am gone.
I'm so far gone you wouldn't even know
So far gone I won't even show.
I'm so far gone and there's no way out
so far gone I just want to shout.
I'm so far gone you could never hear me scream
So far gone you wouldn't hear a thing.
I'm too far gone I try and let you see.
So far gone you wouldn't notice me.
I'm so far gone drowning in quick sand.
So far gone there is no helping hand.
I'm too far gone you can't help me.
So far gone I tried, begged on one knee.
I wish you could understand how much pain one could withstand. 

I try to be brave yet I have drowned, 
I'm in so deep to deep for you to notice, 
to deep for you to care I'm gone now nothings left. 
I should only hope you learn, 
it was never your fault. 
The depression cut me
to deep for you see to deep for you too feel.
The Pain is bigger then me, 
I tried to fight.
I'm just gone now.
I'm sorry