Fix You [Vic Fuentes]

Chapter 15

Song of the chapter: Your Nickle Ain't Worth My Dime by Sleeping With Sirens

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Name of the chapter: I don't Believe it.

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Vic's POV

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I wrote in my journal, letting my very thoughts spill out onto the page like a bucket full of water being emptied into the sea. Many people might think its girlish, or just stupid but in all honesty I think its extremely helpful. No one reads it because I hide it very well, and its better help than Kayleigh ever was. I didn't let anyone know I had a journal, only me, myself and I know. I like having something to keep to myself, for once. Its seems now that everyone is trying to get into my life or figure me out. I don't want people to figure me out, I am happy with them knowing nothing. That's how I like it best.

I heard someone say in the corridor today that suicide is selfish, but when you're in the same position as me you'll realise it may be the only way out. It's not selfish, it's trying to get away from the pain you can seem to run from.
When you're in my shoes it feels like no one loves you, you feel like nothing and that every little thing you do is pointless.
You literally feel nothing. No emotions run through you, you don't smile and when you do it's forced.
You can't feel happy or excited about something. There is nothing you can do about it because you're too scared to ask for help.
You fear people will think you're fucking insane and ship you off to some hospital in the middle of no where.
Walk a mile in our shoes, and I guarantee you won't think its selfish. You'll think you're doing everyone else a favour.

I put my pen down, as it was now running out of ink, although I still had many more thoughts and some-what feelings to write down. I got slightly mad, but I guess it was expected since I hadn't changed it since I got here.
I saw the sun rise from my window, the oranges and pinks running through the clouds making it almost seem magic. Fog was rising from the ground, so now I couldn't see the park that was just bellow. I also didn't sleep last night because I couldn't really contain my excitement. Today is December 3rd 2013. The day I finally get to see my idols live, no. Actually, they're my hero's. I have loved them for years now, and now I will see them in person. They're not just pictures on the internet, they're the real deal. And I am forever grateful to Kayleigh for asking me to come with her and her friend, who she says is named Janice. I am not looking forward to meeting Janice, not because I think she's a horrible person, but because I hate meeting new people. I think you might have guess that from when I first met Kayleigh, who infact, I am still not particularly fond of but she is still bearable. Sort of.

I didn't really know what was happening today, all that i know is I'll be at a concert later on tonight. I guess I am okay with however the rest of the day goes, as long as we don't become late and miss even a second of the concert I will be hunky dory.
I rested my head against my hand, and just continued staring out at the foggy ground bellow, before a slight powder of snow came down and made a bed on the treetops.

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I decided I should go outside for a while, because I hadn't seen snow since last winter. I put on my beanie, jeans and large jacket that made me look overweight, but it's better than getting frostbite so I will just have to deal with that. My jeans were now baggy on me, and I had to keep pulling them up every five seconds, which slightly irritated me but not even that could interfere with my good mood. I practically skipped to the yard, but still not showing my emotions on the outside. But I can definitely tell you that I haven't been in this good of a mood since my first girlfriend. Which lasted two weeks, but still. I was quite happy then.
I am so used to saying that, 'I was so happy then". Sometimes I don't even realise I say it, or think it but it happens. I have gotten so used to it, but its true.