Fix You [Vic Fuentes]

Chapter 5

Song of the chapter: Pressure by Paramore

Chapter title: I don't want a stupid therapist.

Vic's POV

I never thought I'd be able to listen to my music until I left here. But here I am, sitting in my bed in the late hours of the night listening to Sleeping With Sirens. I still don't like Kayleigh, but I guess I owe her something for giving me my iPod back. I am not going to talk to her, but I will have to do something. Right now my motivation level to be able to think is at an all time low. I have no energy, and I feel like I could fall asleep any second but the aches and pains in my legs are keeping me from drifting off.

Sometimes you've got to fall before you fly,

And sometimes to really live you've gotta try,

We can change it all together and in the end we're gonna find,

That what we felt in our hearts was real the whole time,

If you open up your eyes I hope that you'll find who you are,

Who you are.

I missed my music, so badly. To be honest, I think its quite sad how I rely on music to survive, not that I want to. But it calms me, and makes me forget, even if its for a little while. Sometimes its good to forget, and I need that relief quite often. I think the reason why I cut so much before was because I didn't have my music so I out all the pressure on self harming to make me forget. But now, I have my music although I still crave the sharp piece of metal the shreds my skin.

I looked up at the ceiling, to see nothing but pitch black, and I decided it would be a good idea to write down a couple of things in my journal.

I couldn't really sleep, so I decided to write because I feel like that's what I need to do.
Nothing much has happened in the past few days except I have a new therapist, and her name is Kayleigh.
She is a real fake, to be honest. She's just in it for the money, and I hate it so much. She doesn't know what's going on, and she'll never understand anything about me or what I go through so I might as well just go home because nothing will change my mind about the way I feel about myself or my life.

To me I am just a big bit of nothing. Make sense? I just can't seem to think about myself in a positive way, and I do try. Sorta. But whenever I see myself in the mirror, all I see are flaws and the only way I think I can change that is by not eating. Why keep your stomach full if your heart is empty? Might as well be completely empty than half empty.

Kayleigh gave me my iPod back, and I didn't even have to ask for it back. She just somehow got a hold of it and age it back without anything said. So all afternoon I have been listening to Sleeping With Sirens because it's something I haven't been able to do in ages.

Kayleigh still gives me a bad feeling.

*

I heard a small knock at my door and knew at once it was Kayleigh. Reluctantly I got up, and opened the door, leaving it open while I sat on my bed looking at the floor like I always do. She whispered a small 'hi' before pulling out my desk chair and sitting in front of me.
We sat in silence, none of us making any effort to say anything, I guess she knew I wasn't going to answer her, so she probably didn't want to talk herself.

"Why don't you talk to me?," she said barely audible for me to hear. I couldn't answer that for two reasons, 1) I don't know why I won't talk to her,and 2) I don't want to talk to anyone. "Okay."

Why can't she just leave? She has no business being here, and I don't need another person ruining my life. "I don't see why you won't talk to me, and I guess you won't anytime soon so I'll just stop waisting your time and leave," she got up, and I kept looking at the floor, but I saw in the corner of my eye a small tear slip from her eye.

Oh well.

She deserves it.