I Still Love You

Chapter 6: Slowly Opening My Eyes To Reality.

Hey to whoever is reading this I’m sorry that I haven’t been uploading I’ve just been really honest and to be frank I don’t think people are very interested in my story =[. But to anyone who is here’s the new chapter. And if you like it then hopefully vote and comment? Thanks Tee =]

Just a word of warning. This hasn't been edited and I wrote this whilst I was half asleep so excuse me if it doens't make sense in some places.

I wiped the tears away because I knew that that was just pure stupidity. The first rule in the world is never ever let a guy know how much he hurts you or effects you and I managed to do just that. Uuurgh! What’s wrong with me I thought to myself I can’t do anything right! I can’t even compose myself in front of him for a small amount of time.

Jason and his friend sat there sniggering away with a look of accomplishment as I sat there with a tear streaked face sobbing my heart out.

 I guess I’ve realised why people don’t tell you about the bad things about love because then you’ll grow up not believe in it before you’ve ever experienced it. And that seems like a selfish thing to do from any angle. I guess people tell us about ‘once upon a times’ and ‘they all lived happily ever afters’ so that we have dreams. And if we have those dreams then they become a sort of haven for us. Somewhere for us to seek shelter when the real world gets too much. But back then those were all just innocent dreams. Because back then we almost believe what we are told because people we trust tell us those things. It’s only when you start to grow mentally as well as physically that we realize how naïve we were when we were young. It’s only when we start to grow up we realize that that’s all those dreams will be… just dreams not a reality.

I had dreams like that too. Just like every other girl I grew up listening to stories about princess’ who ended up getting married to the man of their dreams. Growing up a lot of girls probably wanted to be rich or famous or be singer or actresses and all those other things. But me? What did I dream about? I dreamt about love. I dreamt that one day I would meet a guy out there who would love me so much that it would be enough to erase all the hurt from my heart that had been inflicted on me throughout my life. I used to sit there and pray to God to keep the guy whom I loved more than my life happy despite the fact that as a little girl I didn’t even know who he was.

I don’t know what people wished for to the stars. But I did know what I wish for. Well wished for… I used to sit near my bedroom window looking out at the stars shining up high in the sky and wish that I only fell in love once and that it be reciprocal. That was it nothing more. All I wanted was for that guy to love me like no one in this world ever had and in return I’d put my entire faith in him and drop my old identity and create a new one. One that began with him and ended at him. I’d leave behind everything I loved and knew to start a new life with him somewhere that would give a life time full of memories’. I’d carry his children inside me, bring them into the world and expand his generation. I’d do anything if in return all I wanted was for him to love me. But I guess that was just too much to ask for. Or maybe I wasn’t genuine enough when I wished for that. Because my first love isn’t giving me a lifetime worth of memoires. He is sitting across from me smiling at my tears…