Love, Cancer, and Me // Book 1 // Brendon Urie

Chapter 43: Memories Keep On Haunting Me

~Addilyn's POV~

   4:30 A.M. read the alarm clock. I can't motherfucking sleep... so many nightmares. Yesterday really screwed me up though. Listen, it's not like I didn't want to do it with him it just it brought up memories. Really bad memories that happened in the past. The only person that knows about it is my own mother. I tried going back to sleep, but just couldn't do it, so I got out of bed and went downstairs. I made myself some coffee and watched some TV. All the nightmares and memories kept haunting me. I wanted to scream, but my mother was sleeping. It's been two days and I've been avoiding everyone. My phones been in my closet for the last couple days. I got out a sticky note and told my mom I was going out for a drive and then, I got into my car a mess. Where was I going to go was the real question. I needed to go somewhere just to scream, so I thought how about the beach. No one should be there, hopefully.

   Thankfully, no one was there at the Santa Monica Beach parking lot. I hopped out my car, locked it, and then continued onto the beach. As I got onto the beach, I just let the screams all out. "Ah-!" Then, I just stood there for a bit.

   "Miss, are you okay," asked a man's voice. Just as I heard the voice, I ran to my car, not even looking back to see who it was. As I turned the key to my car, I see someone running towards my car and I just pushed down on the accelerator and left. Holy shit was my heart beating fast. I wonder who it was?

   Currently, it's 6:00 in the morning. I open the front door to my house and I see my mom standing there with a concerned look on her face. "Honey, are you okay?"

   "Oh yeah, I'm fine mom."

   "No you're not. I can read it all over your face. Go sit down on the couch." I listen to her and go sit on the couch while she goes to the kitchen. Mom comes back with a glass of water and something else in her hand. "You forgot to take your medicine. Remember this helps with your seizures and it's doing well, so keep on taking it. You had me worried." I take the water and gulp the pills down. "Now, tell me what's going on."

   "Okay. Yesterday Brendon wanted to have sex with me, but I couldn't."

   "Why?"

   "It just brought up memories from ninth grade."

   Realization hit my mom's face and her eyes widened, "Oh, honey." I just started bawling and she hugged me and shushed me. At this point I really wanted Brendon because he always cheers me up, but I didn't want to tell him. Why? I don't know. I'm just really scared. People have told me for years to get a counselor, but I don't want one. My life is so screwed up.