Amnesiac

Seventeenth

Karlos and I walked in the apartment, Liz was out as usual. Since we got here, she was pretty much always out of the house and I always had it by myself. I am not complaining though, the house was like my room too with all the rock bands posters across the walls and the dark aura, just a bigger version.

"So where do I start?"

I looked at my friend and saw that he has already made himself comfortable on the floor, the can of root beer on his hand. He has made it clear to both of us that he doesn't drink too much and since I am still not sure if I was a lightweight or not, we decided to buy root beers instead of regular beers.

"With what you said about my feelings with my amnesia." I chose.

"What about that?" he asked.

"Why do you want to feel the same way I feel, Karlos? You know, empty."

He sighs and then puts his can down while I open my own can of root beer. I watch him intently and I took note of how his steady breathing turned a little heavy and quick. For a moment I thought that he was having some sort of a panic attack, but then I calmed down when he heaved out another sigh.

"Everything started when my parents started to like, re-enact the World War II." He chuckles humourlessly. I didn't expect it from him. When you're around someone like Karlos, you think that they're always happy and gullible. You'll never imagine that they have this sort of negative side in them.

"They would always fight, and my mother would always end up screaming at my dad then my dad won't fight back because even when mom shit talks my dad, he still respects her and loves her dearly." He says. "Then one time... my mom," he stops and runs a hand through his hair, "I don't know, she just left."

He looks down on the floor and his breathing was erratic. "If you can't go on any more, I respect that—"

"No," he presses, "I've got to tell this to someone. And since you're the only person I have closest as a friend, you're that someone."

I look at his eyes and smiled at him genuinely. "Just tell me if you can't anymore, and I won't push you to it." I tell him. "And just remember that I'm right here to comfort you if ever you start crying like a baby."

His face straightens again. "Anyway, as I was saying, my mother left," he continues, "That just leaves my father, me and my sister."

"Wait, you have a sister?" I asked, interested. "An older or younger?"

"Younger." He smiled, probably by the thought of his young sister before he clears his throat. "But a year after my mother left us, my father became alcoholic. And as if it took a toll on him, he died because of a rotten liver."

I looked at Karlos sympathetically. "I'm sorry to hear that." I tell him sincerely. "You know, now that you filled me in, I understand why you wanted my disease."

He grins, but it wasn't like the usual grin you would see from him. Karlos was one for the bright smiles and the cheeky attitude that it was really obvious if he was sincere or if he was just forcing himself on smiling. Yes, we didn't know each other that long, but we're friends and that was one of his attitudes that marked on me.

"Maybe having amnesia is cool, when you're on my shoes." He says.

I look at him. "I guess so too," I admitted, "Maybe I should consider your perspective when you told me that I am so blessed to have amnesia."

"Yeah," he chuckles, playing with the lid of his root beer can, thus not meeting my eyes. "To forget and not know everything that happened to your life before you got the amnesia would be really fit."

"But you know, if you would ask me," I said, chewing on my bottom lip, "I would tell you that you're still blessed without having amnesia and having to go through those struggles."

"What the hell? How could you say that I am blessed after those shits that happened?"

I sighed and put a hand on his shoulder. A gesture that I hope he would take as a step for an improving and strengthening friendship between the two of us. "In what I am seeing, I can see that those struggles damaged you, they always damage people." I told him and looked at him in the eyes when he looked up at me. "But for me, those damages that smashed you down would also be the ones to pull you up."

He chuckles lightly, humour was present this time. "I don't follow."

I rolled my eyes. "You might need a booster, you're so slow." I retort. "I was saying that those struggles that damaged you made you... this." I said, gesturing to him. "You know what I see in you, Karlos? You're a strong man. A very strong one,"

"Really?"

"Yeah," I smiled at him. "I know that you think the struggles are like a burden to your mind and heart, but they're also the ones that would be the ones that'll save you. They would mould you into something stronger and stronger every time you feel like giving up. I don't know if this makes sense, but they'll be like this fuel in your gut that would make you feel like you can do everything because you surpassed them."

Karlos seems to stare at me as I say every word to him. Then he opens his mouth then says, "Wow, those are words of wisdom, Andromeda." He gushes, "Where did you get them?"

I grinned. "From my therapist, she seemed to tell me that kind of things every time I feel so downed because no matter how hard I try, there are still no memories that hits in my head."

He smiles at me and reaches for my hand, holding it firmly on his grasp. "You know what Andromeda? I would tell you the same thing you told me." he says. "I know you think that you're amnesia is a shit burden to you, but it also makes you a stronger person. It's not always that people with amnesia goes to parties like where I met you."

I laughed at him. "Yeah you're right."

"I have one request though," he says, biting his pink bottom lip, "This is the first time I told somebody about my back story, I was hoping if you would—"

"Keep it between ourselves and never tell anybody about it?" I finished his request and he nods. "You know, that's the oldest request in the book, you should have known better than to remind me that."

"Having an amnesiac friend is really somehow hard, you know? I'll never know what you know and what you not know." he retorts at me and my mouth fell open as I took in his words.

"I am an amnesiac but I am not innocent." I laughed at him.

"What do I know? I just thought that I should tell you! You might tell that to Liz and she'll start blabbering about it to everybody in the town." He rolls his eyes at me and I laugh at his exaggeration. Liz was a blabber mouth, but to spread shit to the whole town seemed to be really impossible for her to do.

As I recall everything that I have learned about Karlos in the small period of time, I realized that I was really blessed with the amnesia, in a sick, twisted way. Karlos has gone through a lot of shit that nobody can possibly survive.

I meant it wholly when I told him that I see a strong man in him. It's not always that you will meet someone who has gone through a lot like that, especially someone who is just at my age. I bet Karlos was so young when he was going through those scenarios in his life, and I bet that those scenarios are what made him grow up too early, considering that he has a younger sister to take care of.

Somewhere within me told me that I was lucky for having amnesia. Somewhere in me told me too that in a sick way, Karlos deserved my condition. He was really right when he told me that he wants to be amnesiac because when you are amnesiac, you are indeed innocent with everything that is going on and you will not feel anything because you know nothing about the past.

When everything happened to him, there was no one that he can lean into and ask for help or support. But that is the point. He is not alone anymore coz he's gotten me. I am ready to be his shoulder to lean on and be there for him if ever the universe wants to fool around again and try to bring him down. I'll be there for Karlos.