Amnesiac

Twenty Fifth

This is the moment when I realized how small a mouse can feel when it is cornered by a cat. The situation I was in was a good example of it. I am the mouse, Karlos and Darren seemed to be the cat. Not to brag though, but it feels like one of them has to get and win me.

We were in that case for three minutes. I can't help but count the seconds. I already counted 187 at the moment, signalling that it was already three minutes and 7 seconds. We've been there in awkward silence for three minutes and seven seconds.

Darren breaks the silence with his surprisingly calm voice. "What the hell is this?"

I gulped. What is this, really? Even I, myself, don't know what is going on. I know Karlos likes me and there was no denying in this when I tell you that I have this sort of crush thing for him. But to make this a lot more complicated, I am with somebody and that is Darren.

"I... I don't k-know..." I mumbled nervously.

"Don't start with me with your shit stuttering, Andromeda." Darren cusses me.

Karlos snorts. "You're her boyfriend; you should know that when she's nervous, she tends to stutter." He spats. "Why do I feel like I know her more than you? Her stuttering is like one of the smallest things about her."

I silently gasped with what Karlos said. I do know myself that I tend to stutter a lot when it comes to nervous situations, like this. But I never really thought of getting it marked up in my head because I thought it wasn't some sort of a big deal. But then, Karlos proved me wrong. I can't believe that he knows that small thing about me.

"And what? Just because you know that she stutters when she's nervous, you think you're better than me?" Darren retorts.

"I didn't say anything like that." Karlos says, his aura so cool and intimidating.

"That's how it sounds to me,"

"To you, but to me, it is not. To me, it sounds like... hm, I don't know. Like the truth, perhaps?" Karlos challenges Darren. I remained between them. I have the feeling that if I weren't in the middle, they would collide and things would get messy.

"What are you doing here?" I asked Darren.

He scoffs. "Aren't I supposed to be asking that to him?" he asks and gestures to Karlos. I glared at him and he gets the message that he better answer me. "I came here to apologize, but it looks like I am not the one who has to say sorry to my partner."

It was my turn to copy his scoff. "And what? You expect me to say that to you?"

"Obviously!" he whines. "Goodness, I just caught the two of you about to kiss, and who knows what will happen if I didn't intervene."

Karlos pulls me beside him, "Sorry to say, brother, but I didn't plan on taking it to second base." He says, "Men with dirty minds would only be the ones to think that way. Obviously, you're one of them."

Darren advances to Karlos but I quickly stepped in front of Darren, resulting in him stopping mid-way. "Proceed to what you plan to do and I will do it back to you." I said through gritted teeth.

"Really, Andromeda?" Darren questioned with his voice huskier than usual due to his anger perhaps. "You are siding to him than to me?"

"Look, man, Andromeda gets to decide here." Karlos intervenes.

Darren cocked an eyebrow up and my heart trembled in my chest so loudly I was starting to think that they are hearing the drum-like sound. "Is that so?" Darren asks, his jerky attitude present now. "Then let Andromeda choose."

I looked up to him. "What the fuck are you up to?"

"You're not going to do this to her." Karlos butts in again, probably knowing what Darren is about to throw. "She just got out of a hospital. Your girlfriend's condition is sensitive!"

Darren ignored Karlos completely, his attention just left to me. "He's right, Andromeda. You get to choose." He says and I suddenly understood it. "Who is it gonna be? Karlos or me?"

My head seemed to be imitating a bomb, it was like it was going to explode any moment. There were ringing sounds in my ears and I could not think straight.

My mind tells me to choose Darren. It would be the easiest way around. If I choose him, life will be the same way it is right from when I woke up. Mom and I will be okay. There'll be no more fights and I won't have to suffer seizures if I choose him, because that makes my mom happy. And if mom is happy, she won't go apeshit about the smallest things I do with Karlos.

My heart and whole being tells me to choose Karlos, it was clear enough that we have a bond that is not yet determined but it is somewhat strong. If I choose him, it is like rebelling against my mom and ruining everything with Darren. I may be rebelling against my mom, but I was sure as hell am not doing that for a phase. Karlos corrupted me, in the fucking best way possible.

Tears streamed down as they looked at me expectantly. One answer can change everything. One mention of either their names would change my life, for as long as it may run.

I turned to Karlos, tears streaming down my face like some sort of a waterfall. He smiled and it crushed my heart to thousand bits over again. I heard Darren scoff behind me, and I swear that I could hear his unsteady breathing.

I closed my eyes. "Karlos, I'm sorry," I said horribly as I felt my knees weaken and nearly buckled. "But you really have to leave now." I sobbed.

I don't know what felt a lot more painful. The fact that I chose so stupidly, or the fact that I saw how all hope have been literally sucked out of Karlos' beautiful eyes that I've grown so fond of.