Amnesiac

Twentieth

The party was packed, I tell you that.

The house was big. It was even bigger than the last house I partied into. The crowd was even more packed than the crowd back in the beach house before. Everything seemed to be chaotic in the house.

Bodies grind at each other and there were few people that started to make out in the middle of the dance floor. Some couples even escaped and tried to find a room for the night. Others were either dancing, eating some unhealthy foods, drinking or smoking. This wasn't really a good environment for me, especially since I am amnesiac and I just woke up from comatose almost just a month ago.

The most preferable environment was to be in a room with a built-in bookshelf on the wall, a comfy bed and a place with an AC. Then I'd be there reading some John Grisham book with a mug of cappuccino on the night desk beside me.

But as Liz said it, I am no goody and following the rules wasn't really that applied in my life. So I guess setting lose a little for the night won't actually harm me.

Suddenly, the now familiar kaleidoscope visual came in my senses and I felt my knees weaken. I was then again, remembering.

The same vision appears. I was in my room back in the house, packing bags and I was crying. Though I don't know what I was crying about, I feel so sad in the vision I was seeing and there was no doubt that I was beyond broken in the way I look. The eyeliner I had was smudged together with the messed up mascara and I was a mess.

"I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do this anymore." I said. "I have to leave."

The weak feeling came into me like a pang, and the moment it does, my knees buckled. Luckily though, a pair of strong arms caught me and supported me. "Whoa there," he chuckles.

I turned and was relieved to find Karlos and not a stranger. "Sorry,"

"What happened to you? You look like you were about to collapse." He asked worriedly. "Are you okay? Do you want to go home or something? Or are you just in the midst of your period?"

I shook my head. "I think I am remembering," I told him. "There was like this vision in the back of my mind that shows something I probably did before."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, "I mean, not here obviously. Everywhere smells like stale alcohol or nicotine."

I blinked, trying to clear my blurry vision and steady my breathing. "Can you take me to somewhere empty and quiet?" I asked him and he nods.

He kept his arms around me protectively as we walked through the people. There was a warm feeling in me when I turned and found our faces just a mere distance from each other. My heart picks up pace, but before I could even smile or mumble about how handsome Karlos was, we stop in the middle of a garden where people seem to stay out of.

"What happened in there?"

I sighed. "I recalled." I admitted. "I don't know but I saw myself packing bags and I was crying. I don't know what was the reason of why was I crying in that vision. It was... still messy to me."

"Maybe you were just having your break down because you're in your period?" he suggests and I laugh at him.

"You never cease to make me feel a little better." I told him, resulting in him laughing with me too. "You can go back to the party now, you know. I can fend for myself in here now. I'm a big girl."

He nods as he sits down on the grass beside me. "I can leave, but that doesn't mean that I would." He smirks.

We were soon engulfed in a peaceful and comfortable silence. None of us were planning to say a word, probably because we were satisfied enough with the serene ambiance that is present between us. Both of us were lost in our own thoughts.

I started to copy Karlos when I saw him lay down on the grass. It was a good thing that I don't really wear white clothes, because it would sure catch dirt and soil from lying down on the patch and I don't want to give the washing machine a hard time by the time I go to laundry.

"Andromeda, can I ask you something?" Karlos spoke out of the blue.

"Shoot."

"Are you in love with your boyfriend?" he asks.

I was taken aback with the question. Just a little ago, I determined that I do have feelings for Darren. But love? I don't know. Love is a strong word, a strong emotion. I don't know who I love at this moment. I can't even tell if I love my mother as much as I should do, due to my condition.

"Why'd you ask?"

"I think it is rude to answer somebody's question with another question." He chuckles, but the chuckle was too shaky for me to assume that it was a happy one. It sounds like a... nervous one.

I sighed. "I don't know." I said. "No scratch that," I ran a hand through my black-blue hair. "I don't love him. It's crazy, but I know in myself that even without amnesia, I just don't think I love him, not even near."

"Why?"

"There's something in my head that tells me that I don't love him now," I confessed, feeling the bile to rise up my mouth and causing a disgusting feeling in me. "And I don't love him even before I lost my memory. It's odd, I know, because he told me that we were together for already 3 years."

I turned to Karlos, leaning on my right elbow to face him. He was watching the stars above the sky, a satisfied smile on his face. "So, if you don't love him," he speaks then turns to me, leaning on his elbow to face me too. "There's no big deal if I do this?"

"Do what—?"

I was cut mid sentence when Karlos leaned in and put his lips on mine. I was caught off guard but something about his lips made me want to respond to every kiss, so I did. His breath smelled like mixed stale alcohol, due to his drinking, and mint. Mint has always been his gum flavour. I never thought mint could make him smell so sexy.

His lips were something different. Granted, the only pair of lips I have encountered were Darren's. But Karlos's lips were way more mesmerising than Darren's. Darren.

Instinctively, I pulled away. Okay, well it is official, I have cheated on Darren. I feel so terrible because I did the thing that he accused to me before. I remembered telling him that I didn't cheat on him that time but now, now I have cheated and I feel like a whore.

"Karlos, no," I said, pushing him on his chest to create some distance between the two of us. "I... I have a boyfriend."

"You said you don't love him," he whispered and looked down on the ground. I noticed that his face and ears were pink, probably from intoxication and probably from the embarrassment I brought him in.

"But I am still in a relationship with him." I told him reasonably.

He looks at me carefully, watching me intently. He was like searching something in me. I breathed in and spoke, "If this would make you feel better, I do not regret kissing you back."

"That's... that's a good thing, right?" he asked me, scratching his nape in the process.

I nod. "Yes it is." I said. "I – uh, I really need to have some alone time now, Karlos. I still feel dazed from the recall thing. Do you mind leaving me alone?" I requested.

He nods. "Sure," he says, "But don't expect me to get back here or call you. I'd be wasted in no time. There's a heck load of liquor inside and I am not the one who has to stay sober for the night."

He smiled at me before leaving and by that, I knew that no matter how much I loved Darren's smile, Karlos' light shines brighter than Darren's. His kiss took me off guard, but I won't deny that I loved the feel of his lips on mine.

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Sorry it's been a while. There's a lot of crap going on so... hope you understand!

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