"Uhm...where do I begin?" Josh asked. He decided he might as well and if he breaks his trust, he breaks his trust. He felt numb to any pain at this point. It shouldn't matter.
"Beginning?" Tyler shrugged. Josh nodded letting out another small sigh.
I took a deep breath and let it out. "Well obviously I was born...June 18, 1988 was the date and what not...It was pretty ok for a while? My parents didn't begin fighting till I turned 10. Things hit rock bottom at that point. My parents ended up divorcing by the time I was 13...I never really saw my dad. My mom became an alcoholic and she ended up abusing me for a while until she was taken from me and forced into a rehab facility when I was 15. I refused to go to an orphanage and I ended up living with my grandparents. I was thrown into therapy because they thought something was off. I didn't say a single word in any of the sessions. They paid $50 a week for 7 sessions in which I sat in silence with my therapist. They also thought therapy could 'get the gay away' but no it didn't and they tried so fucking hard to make me straight but I knew I was as straight as a damn circle. Then I hit a really low point in life. My grandparents completely disowned me and all they did at that point was pay for my therapy sessions. They are really religious and the thought of me being gay disgusted them. I turned 16 and attempted suicide multiple times. I didn't seem cut out for this life. I was diagnosed with depression and they locked me up in some facility for people with depression and shit. I had attempted suicide...5 times at that point? I got out 2 months later and I was forced back into school. I stopped attempting suicide but I still have suicidal thoughts and I suppose it's been history since?" Josh ended. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest and it kinda made him feel better.
Of course he had lied about still wanting to kill myself part. He had attempted last week. Got admitted to a hospital. No big deal. He thought Tyler didn't need to know. Josh felt like an attention seeker so before Tyler could speak he did.
"Yeah I sound pretty attention seeking...sorry," He mutters.
All Tyler did was lean forward to hug Josh. They stayed like this for a minute. Tyler pulled away. "i..uhm..I'm sorry..." He managed to say. He was obviously shocked.
Josh simply shrugged it off. "It's fine.."
"Are you.,..still seeing a therapist?" Tyler asked shyly.
"First off don't treat me any different...that pisses me off as for the second thing, yes I am still seeing a therapist. My grandparents make me. Now it's only Monday, Wednesday and Friday but I still refuse to talk," Josh explained.
"Why? I don't mean to be pushy..just curious. I think of you the same way I did before..just still processing this all."
"I don't think a damn stranger needs to hear about my bullshit issues...problems..or feelings..it doesn't matter to him. He just gives me some fake sympathy and some advice on how to deal with my "disease". He doesn't give a fuck so why should I?" Josh's tone was somewhat angry. He sighed.
"Oh.." That was all Tyler had to say. Josh knew he meant nothing to this boy so why tell him his backstory? This boy would end up leaving in one week tops and Josh knew his problems didn't matter.
"Look I know you really don't care...so don't act like you do. Don't try to give me that bullshit 'oh you're gonna be fine' or something like that. It's a disease. I have to deal with it everyday it's not gonna get better." Josh bit his lip and looked towards the ground.
Tyler gave a small sigh. "I know I'm not diagnosed and I have zero experience what so ever but don't let it stop you. It's not a death sentence. Don't take it like that. So what? A doctor gives you a stupid paper saying you have this disease? If he says there's no cure, fuck him. You have to work through your shit. Don't think you're just some special case of crazy and your life ends there. It doesn't. You can find your joy.. You are not exempt from it. No matter how many doctors say you can't, you can. Don't take that diagnosis and think that it's a death sentence. It's far from it. You just have to try and push through. No matter how many times you think that that glass under your feet is going to break you have to keep walking. It won't break unless you let it break"
Those words hit Josh hard. No one had actually said anything like that to him before. He didn't exactly know how to react.
He just sat there at stared at Tyler.
