Delirious

Lost

The gym was finally silent, all the other kids had filed out, laughing with each other. But I sat here alone, feeling betrayed and empty. The one person I thought I could trust, the one person who I thought actually cared about me. My best friend...stabbing me in the back just to gain popularity. I knew she was changing, I could see it in her eyes and the way she slowly starting acting differently, but I never knew how far she would take it.

Exposing all my secrets, just in a simple text message to the other kids in school. All the times I confided in her, all the things I said that no one else knew, and she told everyone...that was when I knew. That was when I knew she had decided who to be friends with, not the unpopular dork, but the popular snobs. The people who weren't really her friends, the people who couldn't care less if she got hurt or sick. Just to say she was popular in high school.

"So are you just going to stand there?" A voice said, echoing through the large room and startling me. I recognized that voice anywhere, even if now it was laced with sarcasm and fake pity. I turned to face her, eyebrow raised.

She used to not care what others thought, wearing sweatpants and baggy shirts, hair in a messy bun, saying as long as she was comfortable, she was happy. But now, wearing a very short skirt and revealing top, hair curled and red lipstick plastered on her face, the extent for how far she would go to make others think highly of her was evident. I narrowed my eyes slightly at her, taking in all the changes, as if the girl was used to be had just...disappeared.

"What happened to you?" I asked slowly, "You used to be so carefree, outgoing and friendly and now..look at you"

She pursed her lips, the red color seeming unnatural on her. She used to be so beautiful, when she was her own, unique person, and not some mindless prep who only thought about getting more popular and how she looked.

"People change," She scoffed with a small smile, looking up and down at me, "Maybe you should too"

"Why?" I asked taking a step towards her, physically closing the distance between us, only wishing I could close the distance between us mentally, to bring back the girl I once knew. "Because I'm too weird? Because I don't look good? Because I'm me? Sorry, but I'm not going to change myself to impress some barbie dolls that I won't think twice about as soon as I graduate"

"You'll be much happier if you just change," She laughed, "Don't you want to actually have friends, not be all alone?"

I gulped, taking yet another step closer to her, hoping maybe to see a glimpse of the old her, the likable her, "I did have a friend. But she's long gone now"

The words stung to say, because I wanted more then anything to bring back my friend, but I couldn't keep denying myself. She was gone, and I had to admit it to myself, she wasn't coming back.

"I'm right here," She said to me "I still exist, yet I know better then to be a lowlife dork who is friends with lowlife dorks. I mean, you had a crush on the quarterback, and look at me now, I'm dating him."

"Isn't that just great?" I said, giving a fake smile to her, hiding my inner pain "You're the kind of person who steals a persons crush, just to get to her, and rubs it in her face. That's not the kind of person I want to be.

"I'm happy this way," She said, not a waver of regret or guilt crossing her face, "And you know you'll be happy too"

I took yet another step closer, only about 3 steps left between us, "I'm happy being me. And do you know what I know? That I miss the girl that used to be my best friend, the girl who was afraid of spiders, the girl who had a crush on Jackson Thompson, her lab partner, the girl who was always there for her friends. The girl who never had a boyfriend because she was waiting for the right guy. You may be standing in front of me, but you're not that girl anymore, and you and I both know it. I do miss you, but I don't miss the girl in front of me, I miss my best friend" I choked out, taking yet another step closer.

"I miss you too," She admitted, and for a second, she looked desperate, "But I can have both, all you need to do is change"

I took another step, then another, until I was right in front of her. I placed my hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes, " You made your decision, and now I'm making mine. I'm going to stay being me, and I'm not going to change for anyone..not even you"

With that, I walked away, ignore the raw pain coursing through my body, my personal instinct craving for me to turn around, to apologize and break down sobbing in her arms. Part of my mind wished that if I did so, she would apologize as well, and comfort me as she used to. But the logical part of me knew she was too far gone, and she would only grow more vain and trample me, taking my crying as a sign of weakness.

So I knew I wasn't going to change, I wasn't going to turn around. I was going to keep walking, not looking back, not seeing the shell of who used to be my best friend. I was going to push the pain aside and keep living, and keep being me.