Delirious

Hold On

My grip seemed tight, solid. At least for now, I had a hold. I wouldn't let go. I couldn't let go.

I wasn't sure what would happen if I lost my grip, but I knew I just couldn't let it happen. Nothing good would come out of it.

This primal instinct told me to keep fighting, to not let her go. I looked down, my sadness reflecting in the green eyes of the girl I was holding onto. She looked scared, sad, lost.

"Hold on." She begged, dangling off the edge of the earth. What lay below, complete oblivion. Nothing. Just a never-ending white tide in which no one could ever escape.

"I'll try." I said, voice strained with all the effort.

For now, I had it. Yet, I couldn't pull her to safety, all I could do was keep my grip. Just keep struggling under the weight, and watch her suffer.

Maybe letting go would be easier I thought. I tried to shake the feeling, push away the thoughts, but I couldn't.

Instead, she just got heavier. It was harder to keep my grip.

I could feel it, her hands slowly sliding out of mine. She was slipping, she was beginning to fall away.

"Please." She said, tears starting to fall, "Don't let me disappear. Keep fighting."

"I-"

I looked down, staring straight at her eyes. I couldn't fight, my arms were sore. I was going numb.

I couldn't do it.

"I don't want to." I said, pain lacing my voice. My tears matched hers, every drop. We were both crying, both suffering. Simultaneously.

She didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve to stay and suffer. It just needed to end. I needed to let her be peaceful.

Her eyes widened in horror, and I could feel my grip loosen.

"I'm sorry." I said, "I can't do it."

And just like that, I felt her hand completely slide out of mine, and the contact ended. I watched her plummet, until her body disappeared into the white abyss of nothing. In which she could never come back.

She was gone.

I had just let her leave my grip.

I had just let go.

I didn't hold on to her.

I had lost her.

Who was she to me?

She was me.