Delirious

The Worst Feeling

    I quietly watch them from across the table, seeing them laugh and be adorable together. I pretend not to care, trying to be happy for them. My friend and my crush, being that perfect happy couple. The look on my face isn't what it appears, it's a grimace of pain, disguised as a smile of happiness.

They softly laugh together, him bending over and giving her a quick kiss on her cheek. Venom shoots through my veins, causing an internal agony that can't be cured. She leans over telling me a joke that has them both laughing loudly, I try to play along, my pain being masqueraded by the false sound of laughter. Neither of them have any idea of the feelings I have for him, how strongly my heart beats for him. It's like every time I see them happy together, a small piece of my heart gets chipped away.

I should be happy, and not be the selfish, jealous, mess of rage and agony that I am. She's my friend, I should be happy that she's happy, but I'm not. No matter how hard I try to be, I can't. It's like whenever I attempt to form happiness, it gets morphed into an intense anger and pain. Those three words, " I love you," the words I had always dreamed of him saying to me, he's saying to her. The hands I had always wanted to hold are being held by her. He looks at me quickly, his smile fading slightly. My heart drops in my chest, can he see behind my smile? Can he feel the longing in my heart? Can he hear my heart beat increase just by him merely looking at me?

I divert my attention, glueing my eyes onto the table instead of them. I can still feel his eyes on me, his golden brown stare boring in my soul. Somehow I feel his eyes leave me, directing straight back at her. I can't take it any longer, the desperation and longing burning in my soul, the agony raging through my veins. I just want to shut off my emotions, to become void of the pain.

They get up, walking away, his arm slung gently over her shoulder. Not even bothering to say a quick 'bye'. Not only did I lose my heart, and all my chances to be with my crush. But I lost my best friend as well. She's gone, entranced in the same eyes that had captivated me for all these years. Melted under the same smile that had made me lose my capability to think. I get up from the table mutely, having my backpack slung harshly on my shoulder, not his arm. Instead of feeling his gentle touch, I feel the cold barren agony and loss.

I want to turn to her, confiding my pain and wishing for her to give her words of comfort. But I can't even do that. I'm alone. No one to turn to, no one to lean against. Just...alone.

I wonder how it feels, to hear his velvet voice whisper "I love you", and to know it's directed at me. But I can only dream, because in my mind I live dreams, in reality I live nightmares. Dreams don't come true for girls like me.

And they never will.

Please vote and comment!! Thanks guys!!