Delirious

The Pain of Tragedy

"Hey," A soft voice said, dragging me out of the darkness. I blinked open my eyes and found myself staring into my brothers hazel eyes.
"Hi," I croaked, shocked at how weak and pathetic I sounded. As my eyes adjusted to the bright room it took me seconds to realize I was in a hospital. Who got hurt? I narrowed my eyes in confusion, wondering why I was here. It clicked that I was lying down, and all the beeping machines were hooked onto me.
"How are you feeling?" He asked gently. That's when I noticed the pain. Fire coursing through my veins, pain radiating through my body. I tried to lift my hand, my OCD hoping to straighten the IV that was slightly blended from where it was attached into my arm. But it hurt too much, and I couldn't help but wince.
"Like shit," I groaned, my throat dry. "Why am I here?"
My brother looked deeply worried, and red surrounded his eyes..as if he had been crying.
"I'm not surprised you don't necessarily remember, the doctors say you probably lost consciousness right away. Payge.. You and her were going to school, and some goddamned drunk truck driver hit your car," He said angrily, struggling to talk. I vaguely remembered driving with Payge, my sister. But I don't remember anything about an accident at all.
"She's okay right?" I rasped quickly, I don't care how injured I was, as long as my little sister was okay, I was okay.
My brother suddenly looked down, a tear dripping down his face. I clenched my jaw, ignoring the soreness that followed, my older brother never cried.
"No" He whispered, "She didn't make it"
The pain that hit my heart at those words was greater then any wound a truck could have caused. It was the feeling of my heart breaking.
"She's..dead?" I said, breathing faster and faster as I tried to control the pain I felt. She couldn't be dead. She couldn't. My little sister can't be dead. She's only 9. She didn't die, 9 year olds don't die.
"Yes" He said, breaking down in full on tears. I had to see her. I had to. I didn't care how, I didn't care even if it would hurt me, I had to see her. I weakly tore the IVs out of my arm, and sat up, not caring about the agony I was in.
"What are you doing?" My brother quickly said, trying to get me to lay back down, "You can't be getting up, it's too dangerous. You're not healed yet"
"I don't care," I said, "I have to see Payge"
"She's dead!" My brother snapped, his emotions getting the better of him, "There's nothing for you to see!"
"She can't be dead" I snarled back, voice cracking. Somehow in all the weakness I found strength, and I threw my brothers arms off of me, standing up.
I swayed on my feet, and I had to grit my teeth as tears streamed down my face. I had to keep going..for her. This was all my fault, she got hurt with my hands on the wheel. I wouldn't stop. Nothing could stop me.
Blood dripped down my arm as I realized I had reopened stitches going down my arm. But I didn't care. I kept going, taking a unsteady step after another.
"Jordan stop!" My brother commanded, grabbing my shoulders roughly. Yet again I wrenched myself from him, letting out a cry of pain at the effort. I quickly exited the room, surprised on how I managed to gain the speed and strength.
"Payge!" I screamed, my voice sound insignificant and weak. I don't know what I expected, my dead sister to respond? But still, it didn't seem real, she couldn't actually be dead. Nurses looked at me surprised in the crowded hallway.
One tried to grab me but I dodged them, somehow at a full run now. Pain pulsed through my whole body every time my feet hit the ground, every movement was an effort. But I just kept fighting through it, catching myself every time I almost fell to the ground.
I felt several arms grab me, stop me from moving forward even though I tried to break free.
"Stop!" I screamed, knowing I was throwing my whole voice out. But Payge needed me, nothing else mattered," I need to see her! I need to see my sister!"
I felt someone grab my neck and knew they were injecting me with something, but I didn't even feel the pain from the needle entering my skin, my heart hurt more then anything in the whole world.
"Let me see her!" I yelled desperately," Payge!" I felt my body grow even weaker, if it was possible, and I started to sink to the ground.
"She's my little sister, I love her. Let me see her," I said, my voice heavy as I fell. Arms grabbed me, but I used my remaining strength to get out of them, falling to the ground with a thud.
"Payge" I croaked, dots edging my vision. I saw my brother, looking completely lost and heart broken. She couldn't be really dead though, a world without Payge didn't exist.
"She's not dead" I murmured, too exhausted to even move my lips as I fought consciousness. But I couldn't fight anymore, I felt myself slipping away.
I couldn't fight for her anymore, I was too weak. It's all my fault.
"She's my little sister."