Delirious

Anesthetic

Silent.

Calming.

That's how it was, underneath the water. Everything almost seemed okay. I almost seemed okay.

The chilled claws gripped my ribs, spreading the ice throughout my blood, but I didn't care. The cold numbed.

It numbed me from another kind of numbness. I welcomed the physical numb, it dulled the emotional numb.

I gasped for air as I wretched myself out of the water, my hair falling into my face slightly and plastering itself against my cheek. I brushed it out, and gave a weak smile to my sister as she sat on the trampoline.

No idea. 
Clueless.

She cracked a joke, and got up, walking to the door. She stopped for a second, staring at the sky, and looked back at me.

"It's raining." She said, watching my reaction as I gaped in horror.

"My music!" I screamed, pulling myself out of my anesthetic and running towards my phone and speakers.

I could hear the rain now, pelting the deck.

My sister, disappeared inside as I frantically grabbed my stuff.

I darted inside, putting my stuff safely down on the table.

"I'll be right back," I panted, smiling. I loved rain. "I have to get the cover back on the pool."

Now that nothing was at risk of getting ruined, the fact that the skies were crying were more comforting than fearful.

I ran outside, jumping under the water.

It was silent again.

But only for a second.

I surfaced again, grabbing the cover and pulling it on the pool. It was more efficient when alone to put the cover on from inside the pool.

In order to get out though, I had to swim under the cover.

I took a breath, not caring too much if it went wrong and I drowned, before diving under the cover.

I opened my eyes, looking at the blue world. It burned, the chemicals stabbing my eyes, but all I could do was focus on how for now, something was holding me.

I wasn't drowning anymore, as weird as it seemed. As the water held me tight, I didn't feel as alone.

Sadly, I had to resurface. I had made it across the pool without messing up, and trying to resurface where the cover would kill me.

I sighed, pulling myself yet again out of the pool, and started to walk outside.

I paused, listening to the rain falling steadily, and froze.

Everything came crushing back.

I don't know how long I stood there, frozen, in the rain. It was cold outside, I was cold, I didn't care.

Heck, I didn't even notice until later.

Eventually, I walked back in the house, and inevitably felt the pain come back.

I started drowning again.