Warning the outsiders and winning Johnny cade

Chapter thirty

Another empty day has gone by and I went to my room after work. I was kind of surprised when soda walked in and shut the door.
"Anne we need to talk."
"What" I said not caring what he was gonna say there was no point to any of this anyways.
"Anne you haven't been the same. And don't tell me that you're fine because you're obviously not. Ever since that night when you and Jacob were supposed to go to that movie you've been different, well actually ever since you and Johnny you've been different. Don't tell me your not because I know you are. You're acting like you don't care and are trying to hide your feeling from even yourself and I don't like it. It's not healthy. Please. All I'm saying is, I want my best friend back."
"Okay I'll be honest. I have been different I know but I don't wanna talk about it okay." I responded hoping he would stop.
"Anne I know you're not happy. I'm just trying to help. Let me help you." Sodapop said.
"Listen I don't need help"
But soda kept going. "Anne you do. At least talk about it to me."
"I don't want to just leave me alone." I said getting to my breaking point.
"Anne,"
"Listen Sodapop! I don't want to talk about it because I don't want to let my emotions out! It hurts okay! It hurts! And I don't know what to do. Because there is nothing I can do! So talking is useless! And there's no damn reason to be happy because I'm empty okay?! I'm empty inside and can never shake the feeling! It's like there's nothing! Nothing to live for nothing to anything! No emotions just empty! It's like I'm missing something and I don't know what! I want something and I don't know what I need it so bad it's breaking me! Sodapop I'm broken!"
I started crying. The first real emotion I've had for weeks.
"Anne I'm so sorry I just wanted you to know we're here for you I'm here for you. And you're scaring us. And we want to do whatever we can to help."
Then I came to the realization that the boys didn't deserve this. They didn't deserve me being do bland all the time. I didn't realize I was scaring them. I didn't realize they were living with the feeling there was nothing they could do to help and I was hurting them. I didn't realize they were going through things too and they had put on a face.
I cut Sodapop off. Tears running down my face I ran over to Sodapop and hugged him.
"Oh soda I'm so sorry! I'm sorry for everything! I love you guy so much and you're always here for me the least I could do was tell you what was going on! Thank you for everything! I love you so much Sodapop Curtis! You made me realize a ton of things and I I can't thank you enough!"
Soda looked so so surprised.
"I have no idea what just happened but I like it. So my best friend is back?"
"I'm back."I said smiling my head off.
"Now how can we fill that emptiness?"
"Well somehow it's kinda filled. Like that realization that you guys cared about me so much filled me. But there's still this gaping hole and I feel like I finally know what it is."
"What is it?"
Sodapop said.
"Johnny Cade." I stated.
"What do you mean I thought you hated him."
"I feel like I need to forgive him. I need him. Whether I like it or not I know I do. I need him to be one of my friends and I don't know how that can happen because of the nasty things I said to him."
Johnny had tried to apologize to me a ton of times. But each time I was a jerk. I said some pretty hurtful stuff and I'm just realizing that.
"I feel so bad. He'll never forgive me. He's tried to say sorry so many times but I was so mean each time. I'm so sorry."
I started crying again. Knowing Johnny was sensitive. Knowing I had said so many things. Knowing I hurt the one I truly loved hurt.
Sodapop gave me a hug and I wrapped my legs around him so we were in one of those cute couple hugs but like in a best friend way.
"He'll forgive you I promise" Sodapop said