Warning the outsiders and winning Johnny cade

Chapter twenty nine

When I got home thoughts came rushing to my head. The many emotions that I tried to hide before I now let in. Causing me to start tearing up. I still tried to hide it a little when I came in though, even though tears were rushing down my face. I went straight to soda and ponyboy's  bed room. They were sleeping. I opened the door and stood in the doorway.
"Soda? Pony?" I said in the voice you use when you cry, you can't help it but you do.
They must've still been awake because they both said
"Anne?" And turned on their lamps.
I lay on the bottom of their bed tears rushing down my face.
"Anne are you okay? What happened?"
"I I'm sorry I did this last time to and I keep bothering you bu but I just I just don't know what to do."
"Anne?" Pony said.
"I thought j Jacob stood me up but when I went to dou double check I found him in in his car make making out with another g girl" I said between breaths. I then added,
"And and I wouldn't be that sad be because we haven't been dating for long but first I thought he was different and se second Johnny did the same thing. And since two guys thought I wasn't good enough for them enough do they had to get another girl to escape me, it's it's just sad. I feel like I'm not worth it to anyone anymore. This toe I'm more sad than mad. I know I should be mad. But I'm not right now. I feel like no one cares about me because I'm not good enough, I'm never good enough, I'm worthless and and I just I just don't know what to do what I can do"
"Oh my gosh Anne." Is all pony could get out.
Sodapop pulled me up in front of him and held me with his arms hugging me from behind.
"Anne don't say that. Really don't. And I'm not just saying this to be nice."
"Yeah listen to Sodapop. You're good enough for us and we mean it. Jacob is stupid and blind. You're the opposite of worthless. We mean it."
I didn't know what to say I just said, "I don't know, I just, I cant trust people anymore, no one outside the gang or cherry and Mary. I mean I can't trust Johnny, so not the whole gang. I just feel. Horrible. No one likes me. No one besides the gang. And I just. I just don't know what to do. It's like this empty feeling that I can't shake. Im I'm so sad I almost feel nothing. Not saddness, not anger, not happiness, not fear or guilt or disgust or regret. Nothing. Just emptiness. Just just empty."
Tears still running down my face I repeated those last three words over and over as I walked into my room and shut the door. Being so hurt I felt nothing. I went to sleep.

The next day still feeling nothing I got ready for work and went. Only talking when someone asked me specifically a question, still then I responded empty no feeling behind it. I did everything I needed to do throughout the day, avoiding people. When we went home I went straight to my room. Only coming out to go to the bathroom, until it was time to eat. When it was I ate and said thank you to Darry who cooked it and helped clean up. Then I went directly into my room. And stayed there the whole night. The next day was the same cycle. And the next. And the next. Until we got to the weekend. Those days I would only come out for meals and chores. The same cycle for two weeks. People asked if I was okay but I would briefly state,
"I'm fine"
They'd keep on asking but I'd keep on saying the same thing. After a while I forgot I was sad. I knew I deeply was but in a way I forgot. I just felt empty. Emotionless. Felt like there was no reason to waste my energy into being happy or sad or anything. There was no reason for anything. I just felt empty. Empty. Like I was missing something. I knew I was. But like I said I went on living like that for two weeks.