Warning the outsiders and winning Johnny cade

Chapter thirty two

There's this place me no Johnny used to go. No one else knows about it. It's our little place. Or it was. It's a creek we used to watch. It has beautiful flowers surrounding it. And in front of it is this big wooden porch swing with a comfy cushion on it. We always have blankets in this big container by it. And we'd always snuggle on it and watch the nature and creek. It was the perfect view of the sunset too. Whenever we edged to think or clear our heads or anything we'd come here. Usually together, but when the other person wouldn't come we'd go alone.
I couldn't think of another place to go so I went there. It always calmed me. I sat on the swing and brought out my favorite blanket and wrapped up in it.
I got my hopes up. And now I was crushed. I would not break down like before, I don't want people to think I'm crazy. And I know, I know I went to Jacob only a few days after we broke up. And now it has been a few weeks. He should be aloud to have a new girl friend. I did it. I did the same thing. So why did it hurt that much? I felt so bad. I hurt him. He hurt me so I thought I had to hurt him, I said mean, horrible things to him without thinking. I hurt him. Why did I hurt him? Yeah he did a stupid rude thing, but I should've just listened to him. He tried to explain a ton of times but I ever listened, I should've listened. And now he has a girlfriend. And its not me. And it hurts. I wouldn't admit it before, and it was hard to realize. But he was the one I loved all along. I love him. I love johnny Cade. And I can't stop. So it hurts. I hurts seeing him with someone else. But he must've felt this pain too. And I feel bad for him that he went through that. But right now I didn't know what to do.
I don't know how long it was that I was sitting there when someone sat on the swing next to me. I looked up and it was him, Johnny. At this point I didn't know what to say. So I just stayed cuddled in my favorite blanket leaning to a side of the swing. It was quiet for a few seconds. But  he said
"Hi" in a quiet voice.
"Hey" I responded voice shakey.
"Two bit told me you wanted to talk to me earlier, why didn't you?" He said his voice gentle.
"I don't know, just thought you were too busy introducing everyone I guess"
"Oh, do you wanna talk right now?"
"I guess, minus well."
It went quiet for a minute. I didn't want to talk. It's like everything was different now that he had a girlfriend. Like I'm not allowed to say what I wanted to. For me it didn't feel right, I don't know. It's like the conversation was awkward now that she was here. But I talked anyways.
"I'm sorry for everything, I was being so mean and I didn't notice, I'm really really truly sorry. I just, well you know. It's like I was in a deep dark hole and couldn't get out. Just I wanted to say I'm sorry."
"Anne, I get it. I do, yeah those things you said hurt pretty bad but I did something worse. Is it okay if we're friends again?"
"Yeah, friends." I said. But that wasn't everything I wanted to say. There was so much more. But of course I couldn't say it now. He got up and left and I did too a couple minutes after he did.
About a week passed and it hurt seeing them together. So I avoided them for the most part. I found out they were dating for a week before he told us about her. So I went in with life trying to be happy. I was happy at times, really happy. I hung out with all my best friends. Me soda and pony would go out for ice cream and adventures all the time.