Warning the outsiders and winning Johnny cade

Chapter thirty three

Warning do not read this if you're sensitive to or triggered to cutting or suicidal thoughts
I missed him. When ever I saw them together I was hurt. And I stayed up night after night thinking about him. It sucked. Who knew love would hurt this bad? So like I said about two weeks passed,
One night a ton of stars were out. I haven't been paying attention to stars in a while so I decided to go watch them. No one wanted to come with me so I went alone. I decided to go to the best spot I knew of for watching stars, the lot. I haven't been there in a long time. Not since what happened the night of the party with Johnny. It was a cool night and it felt good. I walked over and got there and started walking over to the tree we would sit at. That was the best view. I was almost there when I heard crying and mumbling. It was quiet but I could make out the words
"It's my fault, no one loves me and it's my fault. I should have never let her go. I lost her I should'nt've did that, I should'nt've ever cheated, it ruined my life."
I ran over there to see what was going on. Maybe he cheated on Lisa too, I don't know. I ran over and looked.
I wasn't expecting what I saw. He had his blade to his wrist when he looked up. There was blood everywhere. Running down his wrists.  When he looked at me he just looked down and cried harder. I sat down next to him fast and took him blade and slid it away. I took my jacket off and wrapped it around his wrists. I then grabbed him from the side and hugged him tight. Not letting go I said.
"Johnny, Johnny no, no Johnny never do that again."
I went over to the front and took his hands away from his face. And moved back his hair as I said.
"Why johnny? Why?"
I was crying, why would he do this? I hugged him again nuzzling my head into his neck.
"Lisa left me for a football player going to a good college, but the, the thing is. I didn't care about her that much. I only needed her to distract me from what I did to you.  I regret it everyday. I lost the best thing in my life that night. It ruined my life. I started the cutting the first days after it happened but then I stopped and Lisa came a long and she was a distraction. But now that she's gone I realized what I needed all along and that it was you. And that my life was ruined because I hurt you. And now I just wanna end it."
"Johnny, when I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to say I forgive you. I do, and I'm sorry for everything. I was acting horrible. I forgive you because I realized what I needed. There was a gaping hole in my life and I realized that was you. I need you Johnny Cade. I need you because I love you. And I can't love anyone else. But I couldn't say that when I found out about Lisa. That's why I was sad. Johnny I love you. Please don't hurt yourself."
I wiped some tears off his face. He put his arms around my back and kissed me. God it felt good. And it wasn't just a kiss, we made out. For what felt like only five minutes but turned out to be fifteen.
"Cmon Johnny lets go get you cleaned up." Everyone was asleep when we got there. I was a bloody mess. We cleaned Johnny up and wrapped gauge around his arms.
So me and Johnny were back together. And it felt great. It's like I could finally breath. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Eventually his cuts healed.