Butterfly Aubade

第十二章 [ Chapter Twelve ]

第十二章

Months had passed and the seasons continued to follow its cyclic patterns. My life as a mere concubine had not turned into anything better for awhile. Ming Zheng rarely came to visit with his military plans and also his adoration for Fang Hua. Her stomach had swelled as well and I felt a pit of envy. The attention Ming Zheng showered on her was seen through out court. Even the Dowager Empress didn't say a word about it.

Lei lei and Tian Tian were sweet children who I doted upon like a mother. Chun Hai had developed her own sense of maternity. I allowed them to play since they were still young but they trained to learn to cook, serve or work for the palace. They would be promising in the future.

This evening I heard specific news of another new concubine welcomed to court. But this wasn't an ordinary concubine; this girl was a tribute gift from Korea. I was curious and interested to see what she was like. This would be another wedding celebration and I had no intention of enjoying myself but I needed to make an appearance. Chun Hai helped me put on a deep orange dress with a loose yellow gold sash around the waist that barely fit.

I was helped by the guards to toddle into one of the largest rooms in the palace. Many officials were seated and an aisle way was left for the groom and bride to walk down on. I sat besides the Dowager Empress and attempted to kneel but she grabbed me up to prevent me from tumbling forward like a ball.

There was a scowl on Huan Yue's face. Her elaborate head dress didn't seem to be enough to define her royal title that she loved to flaunt. I paid her no attention since I had come to live with her in these confinements all too long and knew her personality. Lang Xin humbly sat next to Huan Yue. Fang Hua was the last to come and I was surprised to see no General in the audience. Her stomach was rather large and she struggled to walk without swaying just a bit. The fireworks eventually began and traditions commenced. My eyes were focused on the doorposts, watching keenly for his arrival and also the new girl.

My smile was set into a grim harsh line as I saw the pair enter. He looked disinterested as his eyes kept wandering to Fang Hua who didn't seem to notice. I sighed, scolding myself for being so hopeful. I suppose things hadn't changed that much. Not until the child was born. As he lifted her veil, I saw the bride's face.

She was young, around the age of sixteen or so. Her black hair was tied back revealing her features. Her eyes were not particularly large but her lips were tiny. Her nose was flat like that of a button but she was not hideous. Though, not a beauty either.

I wished to be in my compartment for the rest of the ceremony. I watched her ogle at both me and Fang Hua's stomaches. I bit my tongue knowing the truth of Fang Hua's pregnancy. Her love for the general was a forbidden one and if I ever dare speak of it ... she could die. I was not cruel enough to do that. Especially to a child that was not Ming Zhengs.

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[ POV : FANG HUA ]

I felt bloated and disgusted. I could feel the swollenness of my feet. It was absurd that they even asked me to come and join in this celebration. I didn't care to welcome another girl into hell – harem, whatever one chose to call it. Ming Zheng's eyes glued onto me like a beast but I pushed off his stares. I wanted to see him. Hao Cun.

It all started when we were children. He had saved me from drowning in a rapid downstream river that was headed for a waterfall. I remembered the fear that coursed in my veins. I cried when I reached land and thanked him. Fate was kind for we met again in court. He was a charming and witty man who shared his love of poetry to me. His best friend was Ming Zheng and I met him later on. He was quick to be infatuated with me for my looks only. I could not intellectually rival his political interests. I had much rather speak poetics and watch calligraphy be drawn on paper.

As soon as I learned about my engagement, I had begged my father no but it was useless. How foolish of me to believe that I could escape. I remember screaming at Ming Zheng how much I hated him on our wedding night. He violently attacked me and I cried and screamed. Eventually Ming Zheng stopped and left my quarters to let me think in peace. The only luck I had was being in court near my one true love. When Ming Zheng left me for Ai Xue, I couldn't be more grateful. They were like two strong burning fires that could not extinguish. I on the other hand was as strong as a tree branch that could break into two. Because of my weak heart, I fell in love with someone gentle rather than aggressive.

My fingers rubbed the bump that grew larger by the day. The thudding of my heart would never end when Ming Zheng kissed my stomach and called for the child that he believed to be his. I could never tell lest I wanted to die.

Hao Cun couldn't have been happier but fearful when he heard of my pregnancy. Our child was created. I couldn't describe the amount of emotion I shed. I looked over at Ai Xue, her stone exterior could rival the angry moments of the Dowager Empress. They were like mother and daughter. I did not belong in this picture. When this child is birthed and supposedly lost, I will request solidarity in a cottage far from this imperial extravagance that I have no use for. Huan Yue could never live like that. It was hard to believe that she had been my rival for crown princess. I can't say that I regret her being chosen though. She was an easy child of a puppet to manipulate who had no intelligence to challenge the prince. I did not have that and neither did Lan Xing. Lan Xing was a sweet girl who could have lived happily as a farmer's wife. I knew that her easiness and maturity was well liked by the Empress. I was a pretty face and distraction. Ai Xue was the most powerful among us, beautiful and clever with a mind that could challenge any man.

I watched the ceremony continue without a care. I requested pitifully like a child to go to my chambers early. I yawned and bid my farewell to Ai Xue who looked discontent but staid at the event. She had the strength to watch and the heart that burned like an inferno.

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Fang Hua retreated graciously and I waved a quick goodbye. Ming Zheng looked disappointed when he saw his most beloved gone from the crowd. I controlled my emotions, knowing the surges of jealousy and anger which could quickly consume me. I had heard many stories of envious women who clawed their way to power then falling onto the ground in misery when they lost everything. It was never a bad idea to be too careful.

As the bride was escorted away, the rest celebrated with feasts of food. I had no appetite as I stared at the bowl of rice in front of me. I barely ate any kernels as I fumed, thinking about his new bride. Another nuisance that would join the harem. When I was eventually tired out, I took my leave. I felt upset when I caught a glance of him again, he didn't even seem to mind. I felt worthless in this position and wanted to claw out his neck. I knew my attitude could rival that of a vixen but it kept me from getting toyed in courtly affairs.