Butterfly Aubade

第十八章 [ Chapter Eighteen ] - Pic of Ming Zheng

第十八章 

The Physician arrived yet again for another time in week. He diagnosed Mi Xue who had began to cry. He did several eye tests but she merely screamed. I was terrified, my poor baby. If I had only protected her more, I knew she had been weak since birth but hadn't paid much attention to it.

"Her eyes can follow my eyes but something is strange. I can not put my finger on it but when she get's old enough to speak, it will be easier to ask and explain. Keep Princess Mi Xue healthy and well for the time being." He said with a nod.

I thanked him before taking a crying Mi Xue into my arms while swaddling her back and forth, cooing until she finally calmed down. Ming Zheng awoke and took a boisterous Ruo Jian into his arms. He tried to calm Me Xue down too when she had began to cry again.

I found it quite adorable when he took her into his arms and kissed her cheeks. She seemed to giggle as she stopped and stared at her father. On the other hand, Ruo Jian began to tug on my hair while putting it into his mouth. He looked all around him and I couldn't help but laugh. He had enough energy to run the whole empire in the future.

"I have something to tell you Ai Xue." Ming Zheng murmured interrupting my thoughts.

"Yes?" Things were repairing now and I was a bit worried by his tone.

"There have been riots in the border of China leading to the west. I must go and calm down the troops. I am leaving the harem in your capable hands. You have my mother's favor."

I couldn't hide my disappointment. He was leaving just when we had our relationship set back on track.

"I will be ok. Things at the borders have to be settled though." He said with a sigh.

"Promise me you'll come back." I whispered, eyes frantic, waiting for his assurance.

"I promise." He said with a soft smile before embracing me as I stood their frozen.

---

Weeks had passed and I kept a close eye on my children. My son was strong and healthy, adored by many. I feared for his life. My daughter on the other hand was weak and fragile, something I had despised for so long. But I saw elegance and beauty in her. Even if she was frail on the outside, I'd mold her into a weapon as sharp as any sword. She wouldn't ever have to fear. I wouldn't let anyone harm them.

My days were quite simple. I watched new concubines meddle in affairs in the harem. They were underlings that meant nothing to me but I saw the jealousy that lingered in their pitch black pupils.

The Empress had been kind in celebrating my birthday with me one evening. She presented me with new gifts. Many were of lavish silks and hand made designs. I smiled gratefully but everything felt so cold. Lan Xing was not around. Huan Yue was rumored to be in a temperament all the time. And Fang Hua, she was gone. I cried at her memory still. I took care of her son with as much love as I gave to my own children. I'd make sure he knew who his parents were. I'd hope he'd never learn of the outcome of his father and mother. At least he still had his innocence right now. That was all that mattered at the moment.

I knew little of the political turmoil that remained at unrest with Ming Zheng gone. At times I'd see his brother and wife happily enjoying themselves in the gardens. It was just the world of the two of them. I envied it. Desired to spend a day like that with him.

Chun Hai did her best to care for me but the children were at her priorities which I didn't mind. Lei Lei and Tian Tian had progressed in their learning. Lei Lei began to help Chun Hai out with Mi Xue who often cried at night. Tian Tian demonstrated his swordsman ship and I admired him. I knew they'd make faithful watchers for my children. A girl to be a companion to my daughter and a friend for my son. I couldn't imagine what it'd be like in twenty years or so. Would I still be alive and loved? That never ceased to disappear from my mind. I would age but the new woman that arrived in the palace would have the youth. Fear remained me at all times. But I had hopes. Hopes that my children would bring honor and pride for me, they were all I had and devoted myself to. They were my life and I would fall into nothingness if anything ever occurred.

Months had began to pass the season's took their cycle. Since the fall, it was almost spring and I had little of Ming Zheng. It occurred to me that I hadn't heard much of Lan Xing either.

One afternoon I had decided to search for her. I missed her, innocent soul and her sincerity. Pure of heart even in this wretched palace. I found her servant working in the quarters and asked about her mistress.

"Do you know where your lady is?" I asked quietly.

She shook her head frantically and continued to knead dough.

"Please, I demand you to tell me." I said stiffly.

"I do not know." She whispered and I noticed the tears that began to form in the corner of her eyes.

"What's wrong, where is Lan Xing?" I said alarmed.

"They took her away, the guards. Last month, they took her away." She sobbed as she stopped kneading finally.

"Tell me where she is." My eyes widening and afraid to hear her response.

"She's in the ... the abandoned palace."

I gasped, my breath almost taken away. The palace where all the unwanted and crazy concubines had been locked up together. The last time I entered, it left a fearsome impression on me.

But I was confident this time that I would be ok. I'd find Lan Xing and see what had happened.

---

"Let me in." I pushed past the guards that were refusing me from the entrance.

"Do you know who I am? I command you to open the doors and bring me to Lan Xing, or else I will have your corpse rotting in the prisons." I seethed.

They succumbed quickly to my demands and opened the doors. I followed after them, shivering at the sounds of the lunatics in the house. I saw shadows of many dancing around while others just laughed and laughed. One stared at me and burst out crying, falling to the ground, muttering how hideous she was. The poor woman's hair had fallen over her eyes and she wore a simple shift equivalent to that of a peasants.

The guard opened the door to one particular chamber and I saw Lan Xing.

Her cheeks were sallow and eyes dead tired. She rocked back and forth and did not respond to me when I entered. I saw her lips move but heard no words.

"Lan Xing?" I whispered, taking careful steps in her direction.

She continued to hum, ignoring my presence.

"Lan Xing. Lan Xing." I cried out and her eyes suddenly darted to me.

"Ai Xue." She murmured.

Relief, she knew who I was at the very least. "Why are you here? What happened."

She tossed back her head, a laughing fit, "The children are dead, my child is dead too."

A shiver ran down my spine, her child? I had never heard of her being impregnated by Ming Zheng. The youth that had once donned her face was gone and replaced with an aging hag. It was terrifying and pitiful.

"Your child? When Lan Xing?" I said calmly. I noticed that she held a bundle in her arms. An empty bundle wrapped in blankets.

"In Fall. He was beautiful but then one night ... he was gone. Someone killed my baby. Someone killed my baby." She moaned over and over again as water trickled down her cheeks, soaking the bundle in her hands.

"It is ok, you will have more children." I cooed.

"I-I can't. I refuse." She murmured stubbornly.

"You can, come please. Return home and everything will be ok." I pleaded. At this state, her mental conditions would never heal.

"You don't understand Ai Xue. Pretty little Ai Xue, intelligent Ai Xue. You have everything. Not even Huan Yue can compete. In the end you had his children, he loves you, and he respects you. Then what happens to the rest of us? We all die. Just like Fang Hua." She mocked, eyes narrowing.

My temper rose and before I knew it, I smacked her across the face. How dare she speak about Fang Hua in such a manner? She knew nothing.

"You know nothing about Fang Hua." I hissed.

"I knew she didn't love him," Lan Xing said with a chuckle, "Ming Zheng couldn't have one thing he wanted. Let him suffer with that. I hate him." She spat.

"How can you be so ungrateful?" I said in dismay at the monster that had become Lan Xing.

"When I couldn't have my child with me, alive, you'd understand if your son was taken away. Gone, dead." She said with a smirk.

I raged on the inside and watched her taunt me. She patted down the empty bundle and spoke to it like a child. She was no longer someone I knew, the Lan Xing I knew had evaporated the day her baby died.

"Good bye." I whirled around and left her. She would be condemned there until the day she died. When I breathed in the fresh air I felt happier. My shoulders shook as I cried. Another was gone, lost.

---

I spent an evening talking to Chun Hai whose mouth hung agape at hearing the events that had happened to Lan Xing. I miserably recalled the events. The expression she had on her face, something I had never seemed before. It was frightening and strange. I wonder if I had lost my son, would I have lost my sanity too? To become an evil demon like her ... I'd rather have died than suffer.

"Lady Ai Xue," Chun Hai called which interrupted my thoughts.

"Yes?" I replied as I watched her pick up Ruo Jian carefully and set him down in his little bed.

"I've heard news that Huan Yue is pregnant yet again."

I turned my head in full direction in order to process the words that she said. "Pregnant yet again?"

"Yes, she has been keeping it quiet in fear the child is a girl." Chun Hai said casually.

"Wise of her," I said, at least she had learned her lesson from the last event. "How is she?"

"Sickly but doing alright miss."

"She'll be due soon won't she?" I murmured, counting back the months that Ming Zheng had left.

"Yes in Spring."

"Until then, I suppose we'll see what happens." I quietly mumbled.