Butterfly Aubade

第十四章 [ Chapter Fourteen ]

第十四章

As my stomach continued to grow, I was forced to stay indoors while Chunhai fetched every necessity I needed. From time to time I would check upon Lei Lei and Tian Tian. Each who had been given separate teachers. While Lei lei learned from the maids and Chunhai, Tian Tian busied himself with sword masters. They were bright children and very endearing. Sometimes they would slip up and call me their mother which was sweet. I played with them from time to time but it was getting more difficult to do that as days passed. My flexibility was as great as a piece of wood.

In the middle of the night I was awoken by Chunhai, her eyes widened.

"What is it?" I asked groggily as I tried to sit up.

"Lady Fang Hua has asked for you." Chunhai blurted out, "She's also in labor."

Hearing this I quickly got dressed.

"Does anyone else know?" I murmured while pulling a robe over myself.

"No." She said with a stammer.

"Good, very good. If her imperial highness finds out or if the crown prince finds out ... she will be in deep trouble." I said with a shake of my head.

I left my corridor looking like a mess, my hair disheveled and out of place. The night guards were slightly snoring. I did my best to tiptoe past them. One nearly awoke but when he looked around and saw nothing, he returned to his snoozing. Chunhai led the way with her lantern in hand. I struggled to keep up but the closer I got, the louder I could hear the yells. It was surprising how none of the guards were present.

When I opened the doors, I realized that there were three or four servants as well as her lover, the general. He clutched her hand as she cried tears. When she saw me, her eyes lit up.

"A-ai X-xue. Y-you came." She huffed with each breath. Sweat covered her forehead as she screamed with each contraction.

"Lady Fang Hua, you're doing well. Push though, keep pushing." An elderly servant urged.

A cloth was given to Ai Xue to muffle her yelling. The sound was stifled but she looked so vulnerable. Her usual beauty was evaporated with pain written all across her face.

I stood by and gave her comfort, whispering kind words as she nodded. I helped alongside by wiping her brow and talking to her. Even though she could not reply, I tried to distract her from the commotion.

It felt like years but finally in an hour or so, she had given one final push. I heard the new found cries of a child. What was it, a girl or a boy? My heart pounded but then I was reminded. This child was not Ming Zhengs. It was the creation of her and her lover.

"Mistress you have done well!" Her personal servant cooed. She carefully bundled up the child with a blanket while cleaning the remnants of blood.

The child had stopped crying and was now sleeping calmly.

"It's a little boy."

My heart stopped, I saw Fang Hua's reaction. Her eyes were glassy and joyful. The general himself looked proud as he kissed his son's forehead. I was envious of their moment together but I was happy for them. They had love and a child.
 
"A son," Fang Hua looked love struck as she stroked the baby's cheek.

But within a moment, bliss was torn as she started sobbing.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly, unsure of her tears.

"W-We can not keep him." She murmured.

"No we can't." The general said, his tone full of sorrow.

"Please, Ai Xue. Take him, take him and raise him like your own son. If Ming Zheng ever found out about my betrayal, this child will die."

"Are you sure about this? General, can't you take him? You have a family..." I said softly.

"No. I can't risk it. If either me or Fang Hua get caught and he finds a child at my home ... My family's reputation will be ruined as well as the reputation of my son."

"I can't part with him but I know I must. Hide him Ai Xue. Hide him and give him all the love that we can not shower on him."

"I'll do it." My words barely auditable.

I saw both of them stare at me with a sense of relief.

"Goodbye Sheng Li. I hope you will prove to your own namesake and be powerful and successful. Live a full and happy life." Fang Hua murmured as tears fell down her face as she kissed her son one more time.

"What will you tell Ming Zheng? When he comes?" I asked, eyes widened.

"A miscarriage." Fang Hua said confidently, "The child will have never existed ..."

"Then what will happen with you?" I murmured. I knew Ming Zheng would not let one miscarriage go, especially with his favorite.

"I will beg him time to mourn. He knows of my ... condition. I want to live in the outskirts of the country. Where I can be at peace alone ... When the years pass, I beg the almighty god that I can meet you and my son again." She whispered.

"And take this." The general said as he took out a pouch.

"What is it?" I murmured, accepting the item.

"It is an emblem of my family's crest. It is passed down from my father to me. Give this to my son when he is ready. Then he will be able to find his way back home. I will be waiting for him." He said with a smile.

"I will." I said as I cradled the baby. He smiled as he slept peacefully. How little he would know of his birth. How dearly I would protect him for Fang Hua. The girl who had been the closest thing I could call friend. She trusted me to keep her child and so I would.

"We must go mistress before the rest of the court stirs." Chunhai urged.

I nodded and waved goodbye to the couple who mournfully forced a grin.

"Chunhai. Take the boy and keep him with you for a month. Pretend that he is an orphan and never let a single person know of his origins. When a right amount of time passes, return him to me. I will treat him like I treat Lei Lei and Tian Tian." I murmured.

My strategy and tactics were perfect. But I knew that I had let go of the reins when I gave him to Chunhai. She had to keep him safe. Keep him in healthy and alive until he was ready. The less suspicion, the better.

---

The following evening, I was graced by Ming Zheng's arrival. He looked torn and broken. I kept a façade up, I had to act calm and collected.

"I heard Fang Hua gave birth, how is she and the child?" I asked confidently. The lie carved guilt into my stomach but I could not say a word. Never would I be able to confess.

"She lost it. She said it had been a daughter and that it came out dead. She mourns and grieves like no other." He said, his voice cracking with emotion.

"Is that so?" I said, my eyes widened. My heart raced like a rapid horse.

"She has begged me to live out her days in the country. I do not know if I should allow it." He said solemnly.

"Let her live there." I said. He stared at me at my quick response. I quickly added in another harsh sentence. "One less concubine means less drama." I had to be careful, he adored her and if my statement angered him, I would be in trouble.

"Do you feel threatened?" He murmured, amusement played up on his face.

"Yes. Of course I do, always." I said with a look of annoyance, as if it wasn't evident enough that every fiber of my being cared about him. "Let her be happy, she's already lost her child. It is the best gift you can give if you care."

I sat down in front of him and stared into his eyes.

"You are right. It would make her happier."

I composed myself. I could not smile but Fang Hua was safe. She would be ok. Spared from court attention and the vying looks from Ming Zheng. She could live out her life in peace, possibly occasional visits from the General.

"I hope to see my child soon." He whispered as his hand rested on my stomach.

My hands grew cold as I realized what would happen. The pain that I witnessed from Fang Hua had been terrifying and I didn't know if I was ready. "I'm scared."

"Don't be. You'll be taken care of by all the servants when the baby is ready." He kissed my forehead.

"Soon. The child will come soon." I sighed.