I Think I Always Will

Happiness

(The following is my technological conversation with my best friend from last night. My parts are marked with *. Courtney is the girl he's had his eye on for a little while now. However, she hasn't shown much interest in return to his feelings.)

Facebook

*8:56-Happiness. that's what I need.

8:59-Same here.

*9:01-Life is frustrating.

9:06-Isn't it?

*9:10-I just want to be happy.

9:11-Why aren't you happy?

*9:17-I have to get off Facebook but please text me, I need a friend right now.

Texting

9:19-Is everything okay?

*9:26-If I say something will you promise not to tell anyone and not judge? Okay that makes it sound like I murdered someone... but will you?

9:38-Yes of course.

So I told him. No I didn't tell him what I've said on here. I told him that I didn't want to be in a relationship with my boyfriend anymore. I knew I could go to him. I knew he would listen. He always does.

9:49-Tell him. Please. Trust me [my name]. Guys want to know the truth, seriously. I know from first hand experience. Tell him.

*9:50-I know. I'm going to. But I don't want to hurt him. I want him to know that I still do want to be good friends. Am I a bad person...?

9:51-No. Not at all [my name], you aren't. But trust me, it'll hurt him more if you aren't honest.

*9:55-I know. I hate when people aren't honest so I wouldn't do that to him. I'm so f***ed up. When I'm single, I want a boyfriend. When I have someone, I get nervous and want to be single. I don't think it's that I want a boyfriend (when I'm single), but instead feelings of lust towards people that I feel the need to act on.

9:57-You'll figure it out. I'm still trying but it's gotten better.

*9:57-What do you mean you're still trying?

9:58-I still don't know what'll help but I'm not just grabbing at straws anymore. I have an idea, so I'm going to strive for that.

*9:59-With Courtney...?

10:00-With a girl. I know I want to make someone happy again, so I'm going to try.

What?