Save Me!! (Slow updates)

I will be okay..

Chapter 18.

It has been a week since that day. The day I came back home with Seth. The day I told them my past. That day. Seth and Kate have been really supportive and helpful in this time for me. Like when I'm having urges to cut and they notice, they either 1) Talk about pointless things that are so ridiculous that I'm laughing my head off and totally forget. 2) They hug and or comfort me and tell me it will all be okay. 3) They take me somewhere to take my mind off things. They've really helped but it's Ash who has really helped me in this time. He's told me that if I have urges to cut or the voices of depression are at it. To do something that I really like to do that will make me forget and that I will lose myself in. I picked drawing because I love to draw and I always lose myself when I'm drawing.

So whenever I have urges to cut or the voices are at it. I pick up at notebook and I start to draw, there's probably a thousand drawings laying around my room. One time I was so lost in my drawing that I hadn't realized till it was done that I had drew Ashton's face. Ashton's handsome, cute and ops off the track here. I really think I may like Ash. But does he like me?. Ugh and what makes it even more frustrating is we haven't even mentioned neither of us the almost 'kiss'. So I don't know how he feels about me. Maybe its for the best. I'm not ready to jump into a relationship with a guy like that. Plus I need to sort out my feeling that I have for him they are all jumbled.

Oh and another thing ever since I told Seth and Kate my story they've been walking on eggshells around me. So cautious as if I'm just going to burst into tears at any time. Finally yesterday I got fed up with them doing that and I snapped at them saying.

"Guys, just because I've had a past and you know it now. Doesn't make anything different, so stop treating me like I'm going to break with the slightest touch" I had yelled they had looked at me shocked at my outburst and guilty cause they knew I was right, I had glared at them then stormed upstairs.

Later that night they came into my room apologizing for the way they had been acting and that they just didn't know how to act after knowing what had happened to me. We made up and now they are back to normal thank goodness.

I've called them mom and dad a couple of times but not many. It's all so new to me I feel kind of awkward when I do call them mom and dad, I guess it will get better soon I sure I hope at least.

I also haven't told Ash of my past and or story. For 2 reasons. 1) its was so hard just telling Seth and Kate and I don't know if I could do it again. 2) Is. We haven't gotten a moment to ourselves. Every time we see each other its been with Seth right there breathing down our necks, glaring at Ash the whole time. I think Ash may be a bit scared of him. Every time Ash so much as tries to put a arm over my shoulder, hug or hold my hand Seth is right there ready to pounce on him like a animal to its prey. So the point is we don't have the time to even breathe with Seth's watchful eye much less time for me to tell him my past. But I really do want to tell him I owe him that much for all he's done for me. And he did tell me his story I owe him my story.

Oh. it's Monday the first day I'll be going to see my therapist , fun fun note the sarcasm. No I really do not want to do this but I'm doing it for Seth and Kate they think it will help. And maybe it won't be that bad like Ash said. I hope he's right I really do.

Right now, I'm getting ready to go to the therapist. I'm so nervous I didn't sleep a wink last night cause I was so stinking nervous about it. How is it going to go?, Are they going to make me talk about my past?, Is she or he going to be mean and rude to me? I've heard stories of that happening before that there therapist were super mean and it actually made them worse than they were before they went.

Great, now I'm even more nervous as I think about it. I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around myself. Several possibilities of what could happen flashing before my eyes making my stomach churn in nerves. I shook the thoughts out of my head swallowing my nerves down to the pit of my stomach. I dried my self off with the towel and changed into a light baby blue long sleeved shirt with lace hem/end of the shirt and at the collar, black skinny jeans, a dark purple hoodie that had 'Forever Young' written in big white letters across the front of the hoodie,, brushed through my hair, put a purple beanie on then I put on my black and white converse's. I grabbed my phone off the counter and walked out of the bathroom and into my room.