Save Me!! (Slow updates)

Flashback and Hiding in the Closet...

                                                                 Chapter 4...

I woke up screaming, crying, sweat covered my body and I was breathing hard and heavily,   I had the dream/flashback and or memory from a severe beating my dad gave me at age 6,   I sat up in the bed still breathing hard, I closed my eyes, breathe in and out in and out breathe, after a couple of minutes of doing that I finally calmed down a little bit at least, I opened my eyes and checked the time on my blue watch it read..    5:45am I sighed, why can't I just have one peaceful sleep with no flashbacks, no nightmares no nothing for once in my life.. I thought running a hand through my straight hair.

     'cause you don't deserve one, you are pathetic' the voice in my head said, the voice of depression, I took a shaky breath,... when will they stop torturing me?, I never did anything to anyone yet everyone has hurt me, no matter how much I tried to please them I was a good girl I listened, I obeyed, what did I do to deserve the abuse, the neglect and the one thing that ruined me for life that made me un-pure the one thing that took my innocents away from me at the age of seven the freaking rape,  what did I do to deserve that?, I tried my best to be good I tried to listen to all there rules they set for me, but they hurt me in every way possible, they broke me into a million little pieces and no one will ever be able to fix me, I'm to far broken to fix, I'm unfixable, I'm simply to far broken I'm a loss cause I can never be fixed ever....

  I slipped out of the bed my bare feet touched the ground, I shivered it was cold, I walked over to the light switch and turned it on, I shivered again, I walked over to my suitcase I hadn't unpacked yet what's the point I'm just here for there punching bag anyway, I un-zipped my suitcase and opened it and I took out my jean jacket, It was old, it had some rips and tears in it and was kinda ratty but it was is special to me, it was my mom's she gave it to me just before she died, I know what your thinking you were 4 when she died how in the world did you remember that, but when you only had 4 years of happiness of good times of good memories you tend to remember every good moment of the years you were happy, cause all my other memories are nightmares are your worst and most horrible memories, anyway back to the jean jacket my mom wore it everyday, everywhere she went she had it on or in her hand, she never left the house without it, I remember the day she gave it to me so clearly but it was also the day she died right before my four year old eyes.......

suddenly I had a flashback to that day...

                                                      Flashback...

my daddy and I were sitting on the couch watching TV, I had my stuffed bear named cuddles in my arms, I yawned and layed my head on my daddy's lap, he smiled down at me, I gave him a smile back.

     "Tired Princess?" He asked stroking my soft hair, I nodded and closed my eyes, I heard my daddy's phone ringing, I sat up rubbing my eyes yawning, he got up and went into the kitchen, to answer the phone, I tried to listen but my tiny ears only caught...

   "What!!!, I'll be there right away" I heard my daddy say in to the phone with a panicked voice. he rushed into the room I was in, he put his jacket on and his boots then he grabbed the keys and was about to go out the door but I stopped him.

    "Daddy, where are you gowing?" I asked in my tiny voice, he looks over to me frustrated and panicked, he scooped me up into his arms set me by the door put my jacket and shoes on me, then he scooped me backed into his arms and rushed out the door, when we got to the car he put me in my booster seat and buckled me in then he got in the driver seat and  and started the car and sped off.