Save Me!! (Slow updates)

Parker's coming too?

       Chapter 19!

2 months later...

It's been two months, since my first therapy session, and the day I told Ash my past. Things have been looking up for me actually. My depression is slowly fading away, I feel happy and not just when I'm with Ash, I'm happy a lot of times. Of course I have my days where I get really depressed but when that happens I just call Ash and he comes over and just holds me and comforts me throughout the day because when I get really depressed like that, It pretty much ruins my whole day and there's no making me happy. My anorexia is well, I don't mean to brag but it's a lot better, When I eat I don't struggle as much with the voices or myself. I actually love to eat now, I was so missing out on all the delicious foods.. Mhmm yummy. Anyway back on track , I'm almost at my needed weight for my age, I think the last time I went to the doctors for a check up, I was 100 pounds which I thought that was great and that I could stop eating all the fatty acid foods the doctors had ordered me to eat that and milk. But nope they said they wanted to see me gain at least 10-15 more pounds, ugh it's exhausting.

Now as goes for my habit of cutting, it is still unfortunately a struggle for me. I still have urges everyday but I can usually resist them, unless I get really depressed then it is a lot harder to resist the urge but I manage to do it by doing what Ash taught me to do, drawing, counting and etc. I still go to the therapist, so far we have talked about my depression, anorexia and cutting, and talking about it does help but it does more good when I talk to Ash about my problems than her. I tell him more of my problems than I do her, he knows all of my problems even how I was raped, but she only knows 3 so in a way Ash is more of my therapist than she is.

I still haven't tackled my problem with Parker. I'm still utterly terrified of him and I'm good friends with his sister Hannah. So I see him a lot especially when I go over to their house, I do try the ignoring thing and most of the time it works but there are times where it doesn't and I totally freak out. In these pass 2 months I have had 5 panic attacks by just the sight of him, he terrify's me. He just looks so much like. Aiden. I know that it hurts him when I freak out like I do and ignore him but it can't be helped, I don't mean to hurt him and I feel guilty for hurting him but, he just looks so much like Aiden.

Ash and I still haven't brought up the almost kiss I think we both just want to forget about it. I mean it's not like we did kiss or anything. But I think Ash has over the pass month been hinting that he might like me in more than a friend way. Why?, How?, Well just between me and you he's been getting touchier with me in a none sexual way, What I mean is that, we've been cuddling more, holding hands, and he'll kiss my cheek or forehead, or we will be walking and he'll sling his arm over my shoulder and pull me to his side, we'll sometimes fall asleep on the couch cuddling. He will when I'm upset and crying pull me into his lap and let me cry into his chest while he rocks us and comforts me. And yeah he's done this all fore but he's been doing it a lot more lately, and also he's been giving me compliments. Like telling me I'm beautiful, cute, that I'm amazing or the best and things like that.

I know now without a shadow of doubt that I like Ash. I like him more than just my best friend, I really like him it's crazy because I have never liked anyone in this way before, sure I've seen cute oys around but I never liked them in that way before I was always to scared of them to even look at anyone much less like someone like this. So the feelings I have for him are all so new to me, like when I look into his eyes I feel butterflies erupt in my stomach, and when he touches me I feel tiny little tingles go through me, I blush when he compliments me or holds my hand, and I sometimes stutter when I get nervous around him, And when I look into his eyes I get totally lost in them and it's like the world has stopped and it's just me and him left there staring into each others eye's and nothing else matters.