Past Journal Entries
Moving gracefully through a garden. Dusk or early morning. Cloudy day where everything is black and white and grey. Tinted blue. Frozen moment in time.
Fingers lightly brushing over the bark of a tree and petals and leaves, icy pale roses, frigid breath, cold breeze, brown hair, blue dress, lace, barefoot on tip-toes, flushed cheeks, rosy red lips, eyes down, dark eyelashes barely touching cheeks, snow in hair, braids, wisps of hair lightly stirring in the breeze, twirls, grace, peace and unknown, unnervingly beautiful.
Snow White aesthetic, maybe?
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Empty space.
Empty chairs, empty notebooks, empty desktops, empty pens, empty beds, empty pages, empty rooms, empty waste bins, empty threats, empty promises, empty relationships, empty drawers, empty memories, empty thoughts, empty mind.
Life is lacking here.
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See idealistic things in brain, like music video - flashes, friends, calm, music, being admired, being a part of a group. Real life falls short.
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Wish I had my own puzzle piece friend. Knows me better than myself, no strain in trying to be enough for each other, playful banter and insults that never mean anything and we both know it. The fabled "opposites attract" but peas in a pod. Complement each other perfectly. Completely comfortable.
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I don't use journals that much because I'd much rather type or say things to other people. Usually through text. My friends know this to be true :)
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Too insecure about relationship with S. She never laughs at things I say or do, meanwhile I'm always doubled over laughing with tears streaming down my eyes whenever I'm with her. Does she not like me very much? Silly, but very important to my frivolous self.
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Don't you just wish your life could be a series of picturesque moments of road-trips and friends and reading books till 3 am and book bags bulging with your new and old favorites and little coffee shops on a rainy day and staring philosophically out the window and flowy midi skirts and sundresses and constantly pushing your glasses up and Peter Pan collars and mint green and indigo and burgundy and journals and sweatshirts that swallow you up and autumn romances that leave you crying and twirling and dimples and sunlit hair and holding hands with someone and walking barefoot and happy families and photo albums and hand cramps from writing too much and pecks on the forehead and tickle wars and humming and deep conversations and small internet communities and thrift stores and snuggling in winter and flushed cheeks and runny noses and stargazing and sleeping in the bed of a truck and climbing on the roof and silly games of tag and water balloon fights and swimming and volleyball on the beach and relaxing in the bathtub and candlelight and talking seriously while naked together and braiding hair and growing out your nails and lockets and silly crushes and losing track of time in a library and running on a brisk morning and falling asleep at your desk and being carried and innocent kisses and not-so-innocent kisses and hugs and lemonade and laughing at school and crying from laughing too hard and playful banter and passionate rants and clearing out your closet and warm laundry fresh out of the dryer and field trips and fun classroom environments and beautiful paintings and studying hard for a test and playing outside with your dog and curling up with your cat and going back to school shopping and renting shabby apartments with lots of light and giant ballrooms with huge windows and drinking with your bestie and calling your mom and missing home and traveling abroad and climbing mountains and riding your bike and buying a new clothing item you love and drinking iced tea after a hot afternoon and lulling to sleep in a rocking chair and holding grandchildren for the first time and reading bedtime stories to your little nephew or niece and fuzzy socks and keeping a diary and crying because of nostalgia and high school reunions and life...
