I just feel cloudy.
My head is full of murky water. I know how emotions hiding beneath the waves feel, but I can't name them.
Everything almost seems ominous, when I'm alone with my thoughts. Right before a thunderstorm, or a tsunami. You're just waiting for the alarm.
It's like when you're ears haven't popped yet and you can hear the long drawn out beep of silence, and your breathing, your speech, sounds muffled. Reminds you of a hospital, with beeping machines connected to broken bodies.
Maybe it's just the phenomenon of becoming self aware of the years and years of knowledge tucked away in your brain. Things you have no hope of retrieving. Stuck in time. Ticking like a clock, its faint sound keeping time with your heartbeat.
Can you hear or feel your heartbeat? Or do you just sense it? Another thing that makes me go cloudy.
Maybe I feel cloudy when I reach into my mind because I don't do it often, at least not for the right reasons. I don't even know what the right reason is, but I know what I'm talking about, strangely. It makes sense to me.
Perhaps we're brainwashed by all of our electronics. You don't need to think all that often when watching something or browsing the Internet with out-of-focus eyes.
Nothing of what I've written sounds even remotely sane, and I still don't understand what's going on in my head.
