Sex Diary 4

Chapter 18 (Truth)

I was dreading going back to visit Merlo and telling him the truth. I don't know too much about Merlo, I don't know what triggers him. If he has a temper like Keenan, im really scared to tell him the truth. I know in order for me to get the truth I need; I have to give him his truth. The whole time I was sitting in the visiting area, I just kept thinking of a way to tell him. I don't know if I should lie, beat around the bush, or just come out and say it. Merlo was walking towards me and I still didn't know what to say. Did you go? I did, I said while looking down. How they doing? They weren't there but I have this picture of them. My babies, Merlo said while smiling. Was my girlfriend there? No, she wasn't. How you get this picture then? I don't know how to really say this. When I got there, the door was open and the landlord was there. And? She moved. Move where? I don't know, the landlord said she just up and left. That's not like her, Merlo said. I looked around the apartment and I found this letter. I handed Merlo the letter I found on the table. While he was reading it, I could see the hurt and anger in his eyes. I looked around to make sure the guards was near. I doubt he tries anything but shit he already not getting out no time soon. I'm sorry, I said while touching Merlo's hand. I can't believe her. You know where she could have gone? She got $10 million, she could be anywhere by now. Damn, im sorry. I knew I shouldn't have told her about the money. She was going to find out about it one way or another. I didn't tell her exactly how much Keisha paid me. When she came to visit, she was crying about the bills. I was always around and taking care of everything. She didn't have to worry about nothing. Since im not there, she couldn't handle it all on her own. I told her about the money and where it was. I had some stashed everywhere. Different bank accounts, different banks, different boxes, and random spots in the house. I didn't think she would take it all and leave. I talked to Darrian and he said he'll find her. How you know Darrian? We messed around a few times before I knew he was related to Keenan. Yeah, he don't claim us much. I know, he told me. Here's the truth, Merlo said while leaning in closer to me. Keenan had some big people on payroll. Cops, lawyers, bank tellers, EMT's, crime scene detectives, doctors, the whole 9. He pretty much had anybody with some type of power on payroll. He paid a lawyer to let him get out early. He was working with a cop to keep tabs on you. Officer James right? Yeah, that's him. Wait, why would he have EMT's on payroll? Merlo didn't respond, he just took a deep breath. Whenever he needed some bodies moved, he would call them. Either they would get rid of the body all together or call in it as a found body or something. That's why he has crime scene detectives on payroll too? Yeah, Keenan always was a strategic person. That's how his wife won that custody battle y'all had. He paid the lawyer and told the lawyer about your time in jail. If he wouldn't have done that, you have would won hands down. He knew just like Keisha knew, all that money would have gone to you. They both money hungry so they wasn't going to let that happen. What else I need to know? You being watched, very closely. By who? Can't really say who but you should be more careful. Anything else? That's all I really know. Just one more question. What? Did you see his body? I was in here, so no. Has anybody seen his body that you know of? I don't know, I just heard about it. Thanks for the help.

Now my mind is really starting to wonder. I knew James had something to do with all of this. The fact he helped Perry find me to kill me, I knew he was working for Keenan. This whole time I was going to him for help. I was driving when Ashton called, I haven't even told him im back in New York. Hey you! Hey, how are you? I'm good and you? I'm ok, wanted to talk to you for a second. Where are you? Just riding around, taking care of business. I forgot to let you know, im in New York. Really? Yeah, I been here since yesterday. I had a few things I needed to take care of. Well im glad you're here, I been wanting to see you. Let's meet somewhere, I said. The hotel restaurant for lunch? Sounds like a plan to me. Cool, ill meet you there in about 10 minutes. I was excited to see Ashton; I haven't talked to him in a few days. Hey! You look amazing, Ashton said. Thank you, you look good too. I missed you, Ashton said. I missed you too. How is Jayson and Brit? They're good, enjoying Jamaica. I knew they would. When you coming down? In a few weeks, I wanted to make sure all of my businesses is covered before leaving. I can understand that. So what you wanted to talk about. I recently found out I have AIDS, Ashton said. WHAT! Shhh, Ashton said while looking around. You have what? Yeah, I found out a few days ago. Crystal, you're the only woman ive been with since I met you. I have papers proving I was clean months before I met you. So you're saying I gave you AIDS? Who else could have gave it to me? I haven't fucked or kissed anyone outside of you. I've been nothing but honest with you Crystal. I've done everything to show you how much you mean to me. I've spent A LOT of money on you within the time we been seeing each other. How could you do this to me? I didn't do anything to you. So you didn't know you had AIDS? I don't have AIDS. Considering the fact, I have proof before and after dealing with you. It's kind of impossible for me to believe you're clean. I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't know what to say at that point. I just got up and ran off. As soon as I got to my car, I just cried. I really liked, no I really loved Ashton. He's an amazing guy and he has been nothing but great to me since we met. I can't believe... wait. Merlo said Keenan have doctors on payroll. That son of a BITCHHHH! I was so in rage; I couldn't see straight. I rushed to the hospital as fast as I could.

How can I help you? I need to see a doctor now. Fill these forms out and give me back to me. I don't have time for this, I need to see a doctor NOW! Ma'am, I need you to calm down. You have to fill these papers out first. Look lady, I need to see a doctor now. I don't have time for this right now. Just let me see someone and I will fill this shit out later. I'm sorry, it doesn't work that way. Bitch, I need to see a fucking doctor now. Ok you need to leave. This is a fucking emergency room; you can't make me leave. I'm having an emergency right now and I need to see a got damn doctor. You know what, fuck it. I'll find my own damn doctor, stupid bitch. I ran up and down the hall, screaming for a doctor. Ma'am! Ma'am! I need you to sit quietly in the waiting area and wait for a doctor, the security guard said. My pussy is burning very bad sir, it's on fire right now. I need to see a doctor, I said while fake crying. OMG! Can you please get a doctor? Here sit in this wheelchair, ill take you to one. Doctor Spencer, she needs your attention right away. Where are your forms? I'm in a lot of pain right now, I couldn't fill them out. Can you please stop this burning? Thank you, ill take it from here. Doctor Spencer pushed me to an exam room. What's the problem? Look, I just need you to test me for AIDS/HIV. I thought you were burning? Hell no, I just needed to get this test done right away. Sorry, you have to go back to the waiting area. It's people that really have an emergency. Doctor don't make me fuck this exam room up. I just need you to test me and that's it. Fine, Doctor Spencer said while putting on some gloves. My mind was all over the place while he was taking my blood. How long will it take for the results to come back? A few days to a few weeks. I don't have that kind of time; I need to know now. It doesn't work like that, Doctor Spencer said. Please? It is a faster way to do it but the results may not be accurate. Let's do it that way first, in a couple of days just call me back with the real results. I'm beyond stressed at this point. With everything that's been going on lately, I try my hardest to stay positive. It's becoming impossible to stay positive. You did test positive for AIDS, Doctor Spencer said. Are you sure? Like I said, this way is not 100% accurate. From how high you tested, this seems pretty accurate. I got tested for AIDS about 2 years ago. Last year, my doctor created the cure for it. Doctor Spencer just started laughing. I'm sorry, that's very unprofessional of me. There is no such thing as a cure for AIDS. He gave me a dose, tested me a month later, and said it was negative. Did you go to another doctor to be sure? No. I'm sorry but there is no such thing is creating a cure for AIDS. If it was, a lot of people would be AIDS free or living today. I can't believe Jackson lied to me. Why does this keep happening to me? Every time I put an ounce of trust or belief into someone, it backfires. I'm so sick of this shit! I really think I was having a mental breakdown. I was just sitting in my car, crying and screaming. I can't take no more of this shit, I swear I can't. These last few years have been pure hell. I've lost so much; I just can't take no more. Like, how much longer do I have to suffer? How much more pain do I have to take? I went a whole year thinking im AIDS free and not taking no kind of medicine. I could die at any moment because of this. Ma, you gon have to help me. I don't know how much more I can take. I rather be up there with you than be down here dealing with all of this. With all the bad ive done, I doubt I make it up there with you. I spent the next hour sitting in my car crying. I don't know what's going to happen next. I'm afraid to even find out.