Diary of a Sociopath

Chapter 1- Those Less Than I

Six O'clock

Something about the chime of an old cuckoo clock that made the world feel peaceful. Nothing else made me relaxed like the calling of the wooden bird that pops out each hour. I jolted up to my feet and looked in the mirror one last time before heading out the door to be sure I looked appropriate. My usual messy dark hair was brushed over my eyes as I ran my fingers through it to set it with gel. When finished, I snatched my keys from the bowl beside the door and hurried into my car before taking a deep breath. I could not conjure the specific reason as to why I got so nervous with her. I could be faced with society's most beautiful woman and speak of anything without falter...but with her...I carefully calculated everything.

I pulled up half past six and checked my appearance once more before moving to the door. Before my knuckles could even touch the door, it swung open as a little youngster had been looking up at me with wonder in his eyes. A child who appeared like a younger version of me with a bowl haircut and tan skin with innocent eyes and willing fingers; dying to learn of the world in front of him.

"Who are you?" He asked in a childish voice as she appeared behind him.

"I am so sorry...his father was supposed to pick him up an hour ago..."

"It's alright."

"I'm nearly ready...would you mind waiting on the couch?"

"Not at all." I entered the home and took a seat on the couch to find children's toys strewn all through the living room. Figures of action heroes were placed in all sections, in positions of saving damsels that were apparently invisible. As I took in my surroundings, my gaze fell to the child as I saw him analyzing me from head to toe. With his petite fingers, he outlined my wrist and smirked at the design.

"What does it say?"

"Oculum pro oculo." I said slowly as he looked at me with wide eyes.

"What does it mean?"

"It means an eye for an eye. In Latin."

"Whoa...mommy says I can't get a tattoo." he said as I couldn't help but smirk. I found children relaxing as they embodied the innocence I fought to keep. His eyes locked on me various times before he would run around the house, picking up his toys, and often acting out a story I came into the  middle of upon arriving.

"What is your name?"

"Lincoln."

"Cool name! I don't like my name?"

"Why's that?"

"It's Matthew...I don't like it because everyone else has it."

"I wish I had a normal name."

"I like yours. It sounds like a superhero."

I laughed, not able to contain my chuckle.

"Just remember that superheroes have normal names....for example...Clark Kent-superman, or Peter Parker...all people who blend in...but are secretly superheroes."

"That's what I wanna be...a superhero."

I smiled as my gaze moved up as I saw her standing against the wall with a large smile on her face. Her eyes showed great appreciation towards me as I offered a warm smile back. The moment was short-lived however as the sound of a knock came to the door. Taking a deep breath, she moved to the door before sighing as she was pushed to the side.

"Daddy!" Matthew exclaimed as I rose to my feet, curious on the man who she once loved enough to conceive a child with. Although that thought being written, love is not always a factor with having a child. A sad reality in a cruel world....

I analyzed him as he had done the same to me. He was slightly older than me; only by a handful of years. He had a large beard and light eyes with dark hair that was placed in a hair tie behind him. His build was slightly large than mine as it appeared he cared more of his body than anyone's emotions due to the current relationship he held with his child's mother. Matthew was clinging to him as he picked him up-throwing him around like an airplane before setting him down. Moving across the way, he didn't care to speak to her, only to introduce himself to me.

"Ray. The father."

"Lincoln..."

"A very....eccentric name..."

I could only bring myself to offer a small nod as I could feel my blood boil. Something about his very existence made me crave another victim. It was all because of her-I know it!

"You were supposed to be here an hour ago..." She said in a low voice, almost scared to speak.

"I have a job..."

"And so do I. Please...just...just go...he's been waiting all night."

Matthew stood at Ray's side, clutching his bag tight as they moved towards the front door. "If you get four shots of vodka in her, she'll put out." He pointed to Matthew, indicating that was how he happened as I saw her expression go from irritated to mortified. She shut the door and locked it before turning back to me.

"I am so sorry...you must think that I'm a mess..."

"Not at all. I think you have a lot you're trying to do..."

She nodded. "Two jobs. An hour a week to myself...it's...it's worth it for him..."

"If it's a bad time...I can...I can come back later..."

"No. Please...It's nice having another adult...Ray doesn't count."

"If you don't mind me asking...what is with him? I mean...don't take this the wrong way...but you two don't seem like you match well...and-"

She chuckled before pouring two glasses of wine and downing half of one before answering. "It's a long story...but to summarize, we were in high school and dated through college...and I dropped out when I had Matthew. He was everything to me and Ray decided he didn't want to be held down and cheated on me with my best friend."

"I'm so sorry." Not that I understood love or commitment, but I understood the pain in her eyes. I felt it each day trying to lie.

"It's funny you say it about not matching. I said the same thing when he asked me for a first date. I was a desperate teenager at a new school and he made me feel wanted..." She paused. "Please forget the comment he said about drinking...I don't want you to think I'm this...This easy person..."

I paused before leaning in the back of my chair. "That is the last thing I would call you. I don't know anything about you...except the fact that you are an outstanding mother who is just trying to offer her son the best. How you work hard and it shows from the callouses on your hands and the bent patience you try to keep. I can see you only want to do the best for everyone."

"Thank you. I don't think anyone has ever said anything like that to me..." We shared another moment of an interlocked gaze before she jumped forward, as if remembering something. "I feel completely rude, I don't even know your name. Matthew was pulling on me when you said it."

"Lincoln."

"I like it." I nodded appreciatively before she spoke again. "Ava. Ava Thompson."