Diary of a Sociopath

Chapter 14- Fatherly Advice

Valentine's Day was just around the corner, and every year prior to this one, I would forcefully, keep myself inside my apartment due to all the loving couples who would eek my craving. Speaking of which, it has been months since I last claimed a life, and I found the craving came very sporadic-if at all. But when I was with Ava, it didn't show itself at all. Instead, it lingered in the darkest parts of my soul-hopefully where it would stay at all times. But then there was the fact a detective was living next door. I rarely saw him leave-but when I did, it had been at odd hours-and never constant. Almost as if he knew someone was trying to track him. Even to get milk, he would leave at two in the morning or noon-never the same time.

Ava and Matthew took comfort in having someone so safe nearby-but I just saw him as another potential obstacle. I saw the way he looked at her; scanning her body as if he could read her feelings towards him. We even went and had dinner with him on three separate occasions; right after New Years, a few weeks ago, and just last Thursday-and now she was planning to invite him to the Valentine's mixer at work so he could possibly meet someone. It made me have a large comfort since I know she didn't feel jealous with him being with someone else; in other words-the feelings he had were not reciprocated, but he still made me especially uneasy.

Closing my eyes, I could feel my body tear itself from the inside out as her lips were wrapped around me. My fingers pulling her locks, following the motion of her head as I gripped the sides of the shower beside me. Finding it difficult to stand, I pulled her to me and lifted her to the wall at my side. One leg wrapped around my waist and the other around my thigh, she clenched her teeth as we both gave into one another. I found myself breathless and unsatisfied each time. I could never get enough of her-seeing her spent after releasing myself. It drove me mad to think anyone else had been with her. To be honest, if Ray wasn't already dead, I would have had to kill him for the very fact that he was with her previously. It would eat me up. It does now...

Removing ourselves from the shower, I could sense something odd about Matthew as he sat at the desk in view via his open door. With his head against his palm, he rested surely with a sad expression projected deeply on his face. Although he was 12, he sometimes acted like 8 years old or younger, especially around his mom. I suppose since he has minimal friends and few trusted confidants, this can be expected.

I moved towards him with my long cloth pants before kneeling on the desk beside him. "What's up super Matthew?" I asked in an attempt to make him smile, but he only glared at me then moved to his bed where he threw his entire body down like a heavy weight, blocking me out-or attempting to anyway...

"Well how can I find out what's wrong when I can't see that face?"

He turned with tears in his eyes as I was genuinely confused. My mind went wild with thoughts; was it about Ray? or did he see Ava and I having sex? Was he having just a pubescent mood swing? Regardless, I was worried.

"You can talk to me, Matthew..."

"It's stupid..."

"Tell me. I swear...it will stay here if that's what you're worried about."

He suddenly rose, tears now drying on his cheeks as he sat against his headboard. Sniffling, he looked to me with a sad gaze before beginning to explain. "There is this one person at my school-"

"Bullying?"

"No...I really like her and I went to give her a Valentine...but...she ripped it up in front of everyone and I sat at lunch all by myself because she's popular and told everyone I wouldn't leave her alone and that if someone wanted to be my valentine they should be prepared to be stalked..."

"Can I ask you why you like this girl so much?"

"Because she's pretty. She reminds me of those dolls mommy used to have when daddy still lived with us. He used to get her one every year from when she was my age and when they broke up, she smashed them all."

"I see...well can I let you in on a little secret?"

He nodded.

"Girls in school-even in high school, don't pick the nice guys who won't make them wait. Do you know why?"

He shook his head.

"Because girls like feeling needed-but fought for. Almost like it's a game of risk. But women-they just want to be loved. So do me a favor bud, and don't focus on the girls right now. Focus on those grades because I heard from a certain someone that if you get them up, you might just get that new system you've been wanting..."

His eyes went wide as he suddenly clung onto me.

When he pulled away, his eyes got sad again.

"But you have mommy...and she's a woman I know...but she's also like one of those dolls."

"Yes. You're right. Your mother is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my entire life. And one day I plan to give her everything she desires. But I need your help to make sure she stays happy."

"What can I do?"

"Well you have to be happy. It's that simple."

"But how, Lincoln?"

"Sometimes, you can't help it. You just get so sad and you have to just let it pass. But other times, you realize all the amazing things in life that you have and be happy for them-not wishing for what you don't have. Just like this girl. You deserve a girl who writes YOU one..."

"Well there was this one girl...but she's so weird."

"We are all weird...in our own way..."

"Really? But you aren't."

"I am. Very weird actually. But you are Super Matthew and an amazing little kid."

"I love you Lincoln." I froze for a moment. Never in my life had those words meant so much. Not because when Ava said them they didn't mean as much-but to have his trust, meant I also had hers. I basked in another embrace before moving into the hall and seeing her with tears in her eyes.

"We are so lucky that we have you here...I don't know what I'd do if he told me that...I would just go to his school and march up to that girl and scream at her for not seeing what's good....But you always know just what to say...and it's so incredible."

"It's nothing...."

"No...It's everything..."

We both exchanged several sweet kisses before she pulled me back into the bedroom and we made love once more. Sweet and passionate; sweaty and primal-even. But then fell into each others arms, exhausted from our passion.