Diary of a Sociopath

Chapter 5- Reaction

My eyes locked on the address that I had spent the last two weeks obtaining. Having to keep my goal a secret from Ava and Matthew, I had to make excuses about having to go into work. While in the meantime, I analyzed medical records, police requests, anything I could to find out where Ray resided. Which is where I sat now.

An apartment building that appeared older than the town it resided in. Busted windows and broken stairs were just two of the attributes of the estate. As I made my way towards it, I found the door unlocked and gained access. Armed with a knife in my belt, tucked underneath my shirt, I was prepared for anything. Anything but what it was I had found.

Coming up to the door I had memorized as 4347 D. I made my knuckles into a fist before knocking to find the door to come open. Without much hesitation, I motioned my way in before being overwhelmed with the smell of something burning nearby. Instantly, my eyes caught to a soup on the stove that had been boiling for some time. And somehow miraculously had not caught fire. I continued forward as I had one hand on the hilt of my knife before finding the television showing snow and hanging halfway off the small platform it rested on. My steps continued without my control as I heard the sound of running water come from the bathroom and pushed it open to find the mirror covered in steam and a hand print dead center. It appeared to be drug like the car scene from Titanic.

My body began to feel uneasy as I was unsure what to make of the scene. I hated being caught off guard and this moment did not cease that feeling. Moving slowly, I pushed open the other three doors in the apartment very slowly, with my hand growing sweaty from gripping the knife so tight. One door held cleaning supplies that appear to have only been used once-if that as the apartment was lined with garbage and dirt from corner to corner. The second door had been a small storage room and the final one was his bedroom. The room was smaller than the bathroom and had only a bed and a short dresser that had pictures on top of it that were all on their backs. I moved towards them to see Matthew was the sole object of his affection as Ava was nowhere to be found. It was true how he did care for his son...just not his son's mother apparently. This thought boiled deep inside, conjuring the hunger that made me tremble.

I then moved to the closet in his room, finding it after turning to leave and heard something shift inside. Pulling the knife to view, I quickly opened one side to find nothing but white wife beaters and other colored t-shirts that were lined sporadically. Before I could even open the other side I was greeted by a body falling on top of me, pinning me to the bed, as the knife fell from my hand. Gaining back the control, I peeled the body from me before finding it was Ray. He had been beat severely with a single gun shot to the chest that appeared to be the cause of death. His eyes and fingers showed early rigor mortis, but not enough to tell me how long he had been here. Instead, I feared I was not alone. I returned back the way I came, removing my prints from the doors and cabinets, before making my way into the hall. Just as I shut the door, I felt my pocket buzz and found it was a call from Ava.

"Where are you?" She asked before I could even speak.

"I went out for some cigarettes...I saw you were low.." I said off the top of my head as I remembered seeing a twain of cigs lingering in the carton on my way out.

"Oh...I was worried..." Her voice then softened as I could hear a slight raspy undertone that made me grip the phone. There was not a single action this woman could do that would make me not want her.

"I will be there soon."

"Please hurry...it's scary here..."

I reassured her that the doors were locked and the mace was close. I also told her to stay in her room-or with Matthew if she felt safer, and I would return as fast as I could. In truth, I intended to, but that was before realizing I had blood and the smell of death on me. I quickly drove out of town-speeding at least twenty over the limit, before resting at a stop and changing my clothes for some I bought at a late-night souvenir shop. With a lighthouse on the front and a sprout of aftershave, I returned to my car and raced home before getting pulled over just before my exit.

Explaining to the officer how I had a wife at home with a headache and a child sick, he let me off with a warning. I suppose my true gift is to manipulate the sympathies that others take for granted or lack. For example, getting out of a ticket without fault. But anytime I was around Ava, I became a school boy hot for his first crush.

When I returned to her house, I knocked to find her run to the door and open before pulling me inside. She then locked it before pulling me into a deep hug that I bathed in. My eyes closed as I took in her scent. The relaxing smell of vanilla lotion and lavender shampoo that always lingered thick on her body. When she pulled away, I was surprised to find tears in her eyes.

"What is it?" I asked, genuinely concerned.

"Why are you helping me?"

"What? That's a silly question..."

"No. It's not...Please just tell me..."

"I'm helping you because I care." I said, unable to stop it. I didn't want to care for someone. I didn't want the responsibility of feeling pain. But looking into her eyes, seeing hers, made me feel everything I never thought I could. Things I only heard about or saw on television or movies. I was almost in shock and awe how she could make me feel that.

"But you have no reason to...I mean...do you...want money or...a place to stay?"

"No. If you want me to go...I will-"

"No." She tugged at my arms as I moved closer to her. "I just feel like...there's more to you. Something you aren't telling me. And I just want you to know that...it can be anything and I'll never look at you any different than now..."

I chuckled to myself as she glared.

"I'm not laughing at you...I just find you adorable."

"Adorable?"

"After all you've been through, you stress about me being out late...It makes me feel special."

"You are. To me. To Matthew-he loves you...I just-" She gave me another hug before pulling back. I could see a deep fear in her eyes as she pulled back from me. "What the hell is that?"

I pulled it from my back pocket before becoming a man of no words. She looked horrified at me as I reached out to her.

"I promise you, It's nothing to worry about. I'm a very paranoid person."

"You were going to get cigarettes...why do you need a knife?"

"I told you I had a messed up childhood...this the result of that...If you don't believe me...I can take you back to the gas station-"

"No...I'm sorry...I have trust issues-"

"Really?"

"Yes...why?"

"You invited me into your home after only meeting me once and have had me stay for the past two weeks taking care of you and Matthew. I don't mind-I enjoy it...I just find it humorous how you say you have trust issues but you trust me so easily."

"Should I not? You haven't given me a reason not to..."

She moved closer to me, almost challenging me as I could sense the moment turn into one of more romantic detail. She placed her hand on my shoulder before leaning closer. My eyes closed as if my body took over what to do and my hand connected with her hip. But just before our lips touched, the light came on in the kitchen and she moved quickly away from me.

"Mama?" I heard Matthew's high sleepy voice ask as she blushed.

"It's okay sweetheart...Just go back to sleep..."

"Your phone was buzzing against my arm..."

"I'm sorry...here..." She placed him back and bed with the phone against her ear. Placing a kiss on Matthew's head, she turned back to me with wide eyes before shock filled her expression.

"He's dead..."

"Who?"

"Ray..." I could see it caused her pain, and I was curious as to why. He was cruel to her, but perhaps she had feelings for him yet or maybe it was how humanity was. I was so unclear on the emotions and how everything worked. But it was obvious she doubted me now...and to be frank, I couldn't blame her...