Diary of a Sociopath

Chapter 25- You Don't Know What I Know

I stared blankly at him for a moment, almost as if the words he had spoken were paralyzing. In a way, I suppose they were. I was so incredibly careful...I was so perfectly subtle and quiet-I cleaned up my messes-how could he possibly know? And as if he could read my mind, he answered his question.

"I've read it." He spoke as if he held the secret to eternal life. "I know every person you've killed. I know every second of your routine because you told it. I know how she likes to be pleased...but I got that one on my own." I could feel the craving burst into me in a way it never had before. In sections-as if it was breaking me, making me overflow with the desire to kill him. It wasn't voices, it was a pulse. Pushing me closer to it.

"Why haven't you said anything?"

"I tried. I tired to get her away from you...I tried to make her see the monster you are-but she is hellbent on staying close to you. I don't know what you did...but she does care about you. I fought a battle that was already won-I just didn't know it."

"Why haven't you done anything? I don't understand...."

He let out a sigh before leaning against the front door. "Because you're going to help me."

"Really? Is that so? Blackmail?"

"Absolutely. You have a mind detectives like me kill for...and there is someone in this town-in this state...killing people. I need you to get into their mind...help me and your secret stays safe."

"How do I know you won't rat me out when I help you?"

"I would have done it already. Besides...I don't plan on this being the only case you help me with."

"So I sell my soul to you..."

"More or less...is it worth keeping your picture perfect life?"

"And you won't tell her?"

"I wouldn't dream of it. Because when you truly love someone, you want them to be happy-you don't care with who. It burns-I won't lie...but I know your type...you're manipulative and eventually it will catch up to you. When it does...I will see it...but I won't cause it."

"I don't understand why...why you would do this? Keep my secret." I was truly perplexed, keeping my gaze fixed on him to be sure he wasn't luring me into something.

"Because it doesn't make me any better than you if I exploit you. You will do that on your own. And from what I see...you don't hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it. We won't have any problems unless one day...I'm on your list."

I realized as he spoke that line that he knew my motives, my MO, my everything. There was not a secret I could keep from him. At least...not from my past. Now, I hide this journal more than anything-I realize now how idiotic it was to keep one of these, but I have to know...I have to remember-because sometimes it slips and then I'm left of a mess. I can't let that happen because then I slip up in my tasks...and then...then it becomes me in handcuffs and then I lose everything I've built.

My gaze moved up towards him as I slowly nodded. A smirk came over his face.

"Good. So I can make you an official consultant. Might just pay enough to stop your filing job." I rolled my eyes internally before nodding as we made an agreement and shook hands like proper gentlemen...but now how would I explain this to Ava without suspicion?

I would have to think of something fast as I returned the next day to find her anxiously awaiting me. Sitting at her kitchen table, she finished her sip of juice before wrapping her arms around me and giving me a tender kiss.

"I have the later shift...and Matthew is at school so we have the entire day to ourselves."

At this moment I had a choice.

#1: Be a decent human being and tell Ava everything. (almost everything)-about a deal with Victor...about working with him-helping him.

#2: Screw both of our brains out until we can't walk...

hmm...seems like a no-brainer to me. I lifted her up within seconds and carried her towards the hall before she stopped me, asking me to take her there in the hall. I couldn't complain and therefore moved her dress to the side and claimed her like a slave. Hearing her moan because of me set the world on fire. I could feel my legs shake from the intensity but I couldn't stop. I didn't want to pull from her and even if I could-my body wouldn't allow it. I fell against her as she kept her mouth open, trying to keep quiet. When we pulled apart, she placed herself on the floor before falling against my arms. I quickly pulled her back up as she shook violently in place for a moment.

"Oh my God..." She said out of breath. "That....was....amazing..."

I couldn't lie...it was the best feeling in my life. Never had we been so savage with one another-not even in our most passionate moments. This time it felt...perfect. Like there was no secrets...but then I remembered there was...and I had to explain the truth without telling her everything.

So I began, leaving out the details of the blackmail and explaining how he lives across the hall. At first, she had been confused, knowing my strong hatred from him and although she was not wrong, I did not loathe the man. Not as much as I should I suppose. He was helping me in a way nobody else had, and he was the ONLY one to know my secret...but something...something shifted after I told her.

I worried for several minutes until a smirk came across her face.

"This is why I love you...you always think of others first...such a selfless heart." She placed her hand on my heart as I nodded, trying to feel it was true...but in actuality-I knew everything I was doing, what I was putting her through, was because I couldn't lose her. The fact of it was, it was the most selfish thing I could do...