Diary of a Sociopath

Chapter 28- Dossier of a Serial Killer

"I am not leaving until you tell me everything." She pushed with a determined gaze, although her had shook. To be frank, I would have rather had her kill me, but she deserved to truth. And so I began. I explained how I suffered my entire life being isolated. How when I was just a young boy, I would be forced to hunt deer and skin them. I grew bored of it easily and began chasing young boys in the neighborhood-beating them until they cried. I liked the control-I told her this. I then continued by explaining how there was nothing I did without reason. How those I hurt-even when I was younger-had severely hurt others. The look in her eyes at this point was sadness. I could not tell if it was for me or her-or my victims...but it was very prominent.

We then sat on the couch as she kept the knife in her hand, and I kept my eyes to her. I expressed how I spent college running because of the craving. I made a vow then to target those who were deserving of it. After seeing the show Dexter, I realized how much him and I had in common-except...I was able to hide it better. And I did feel everything in truth with her. I also explained that.

For five hours, I described every sin I could remember, to her. I told her about stealing a plastic sword out of a toy shop when I was ten and feeling so bad I gave it to an orphanage. Everything from that to allowing Vic to her before I could. And then, she asked me something that made my heart cease immediately.

"I want honesty...and I can sense you've given it to me so far...so please don't make me doubt you now..."

I nodded as she continued.

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

"No." I said without hesitation as I saw a tear slide down her cheek before she slowly nodded.

"I suppose I cannot be angry for you telling me the truth."

"I'll explain why...It's because of the way you are looking at me now." She glared for a moment.

"I'm sorry if my confusion is painful to you."

"That's not what I meant." I took a deep breath and tore into my deepest darkness and tore it to the surface for her to see. "Ever since I met you, you have ruined me. I used to cope by watching you and that was enough and then you were in danger and I couldn't help but save you. And I like to think it's what I have done everyday since. I get it if you don't want to see me. I know this kind of betrayal is not something you ever expected-"

"But I did...The knife in your car...the late nights...the journal." She paused. Her eyes met with mine as I saw a flicker of an idea. For a moment, I was petrified as I had only seen this look twice-and both times nearly landed me in the hospital. But I would have torn out my own heart and given it to her if she had only asked.

"If you want to show me no more secrets...if you want to show me the darkest thoughts...let me read it."

"Are you sure? There are things that I regret I wrote..."

"I don't care...I need to know..."

I nodded. "One second..." I moved into my bedroom and removed it from a box before handing it to her. She scowled at me before flipping through to the first page. "It's dated almost ten years ago."

I nodded this time. "I have one for each year since my first striking...or the thought of doing it.."

"You have been doing this for over a decade?"

I nodded. "It's a sickness and I don't want you around me."

She looked at me with tears in her eyes.

"I...I can decide for myself where I can and cannot be. At this moment...I just need to...to process everything and I ask that you let me."

"Of course."

"I want the rest of the journals."

I left for a moment and returned with the box of them as she nodded.

"I hope if anything, you can find it in your heart to understand why I didn't tell you-and maybe even forgive me."

She gave me an acknowledged nod before moving from my presence. I felt in this moment, that I would never see her again. That she could turn those into the police or the news or hell, even God himself...but I didn't care. She now knew everything...or she would after reading them. The hardest part now was waiting.